First Shades of Grey
by becccccca
Summary: First Shades of Grey.
1. Chapter 1

I was running. Fast.

Running away from him.

**"Ana!"** He shouted after me. I couldn't stop, I had to keep going. I continued running until I came across a small bunker, just by some trees. I hid behind that and held my breath.  
**"Ana..I know you're here somewhere."** He shouted. Shit. He was near. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would look somewhere else, just so I could run back to the house.  
**"Ana, seriously. This game sucks now. I'm bored and hungry!"** He whined. Typical Christian.  
I rolled my eyes and stood up, showing myself, giving away my place of refuge.  
I frowned at him. He smiled, his grey eyes crinkling at the corners. No. Don't smile at me.  
**"Let's get back. Our mom's will be looking for us."** He muttered as he took my hand and pulled me along side him. I sighed deeply and bit down on my bottom lip. I looked down at my scuffed shoes and frowned again, my mom will kill me. These were just new.

As we came to the house, Christian stopped, looked through the window and frowned at Elliot who was playing the piano.  
**"What's wrong?"** I asked quietly, following his line of sight. He shook his head and pulled me inside. I glanced at Elliot and gave him a small smile. He returned it with a big childish grin. Christian let go of my hand and wandered into the kitchen where our moms were sitting, gossiping over a coffee.  
**"Ana!"** My mother exclaimed, taking in my dirty appearance. **"What in Jesus' name were you doing?"** She demanded as she wiped muck from my cheek.  
I glanced at Christian, who was staring down at the tiled floor, mouth shut.  
**"We were..playing Hide and Seek."** I told her softly.  
Mrs Grey looked at her son and sighed, **"Christian..why didn't you ask Mia to join you?"** She asked softly, bending down to look at her son. Christian wriggled away from her and my heart stung. He remained silent, gazing down at the floor.  
**"We came back...Christian said he was hungry."** I told his mom. She looked at me, her eyes slightly wide before she nodded and hurried to the cupboard for something for her son.  
My mom grabbed my arm and sighed, "Well we best be getting home, Ana." She mumbled.

-  
I never understood why Christian never spoke to his family. He was like a tortured soul in that way. Never speaking. Always quiet. Always observing.  
**"You're eight, Ana. You're far too old to be playing Hide and Seek."** My mother told me during the car journey home. I rolled my eyes, I can do whatever I want. I had fun, wasn't that all that mattered? Christian's thirteen and he was still playing it ; I wanted to say that, but for fear of a slap across the jaw, I shut my mouth.

During Summer Vacation, I would sit in my room sometimes. I would read. A lot.  
My mom didn't really have the money for the latest things kids wanted and I was fine with that. I wasn't spoiled.  
Not for an eight year old anyway.  
Sometimes I'd go to Christian's house. We'd play Hide and Seek, Tag and on rare occasions he'd play the piano for me. For a thirteen year old, he was incredibly talented.  
His little sister Mia would sometimes include herself in our antics. She was a very hyperactive child and Christian adored her. His mood would instantly brighten whenever she was there. It was adorable.

**"Ana...I think you should maybe try and make some friends at your school."** Christian had said to me, on the last day of Vacation.  
I frowned. He knew what I thought of the people there, what the said.  
**"Why? They're all so mean."** I mumbled sadly.  
**"Just try!"** He ordered. I flinched. He was scary sometimes.

-  
"Ana Banana!" Their shrill voices broke my train of thought. I looked up to see my only two friends grinning at me.  
It was my tenth birthday and I was having a slumber party. Even though there were only three of us, it was still fun.  
I took Christian's advice and made new friends. They welcomed me with open arms.  
I hadn't seen Christian in a few months. He promised he'd come and see me for my birthday. He never showed. My mom told me he had gotten a job and that was keeping him busy. I missed him.

The Grey's were having a dinner party. My mom, Ray (husband number two) and myself were invited. My mother dressed me in one of my many dresses. God, it was hideous. I'd rather have went in my jeans.  
"Best behaviour." She warned as we walked up the steps to the Grey's front door. I nodded absentmindedly. I wondered if Christian would talk to me.  
I bit my lip and took a deep breath as Mr Grey opened the door, "Hello!" He beamed as he moved so we could enter their elaborate and massive house.  
We made our way to the dining area where everyone was standing around, talking and laughing. I noticed Mia and Elliot...but no Christian. I couldn't keep the disapointed frown from showing on my face.  
**"W-Where's Christian?"** I asked Mr Grey quietly.  
He looked down at me and smiled, **"Mrs Lincoln had some extra work for him to do."**  
Mrs Lincoln? Was she who he was working for? I made a face. I didn't like it. All he did was work. It wasn't like him to miss a family event.

As we left the Grey's, I took a minute to admire their garden. It was huge. I looked to the trees and frowned when I noticed Christian walking over. Stupid boy. I followed my mom down the steps and over to the car.  
**"Ana!"** He called to me. I sighed and turned around, he looked tired...but he looked well.  
**"You were working..."** I stated quietly, biting my lip.  
He nodded, **"Yeah, sorry. And sorry about your birthday, I'll make it up to you and stop biting you lip."** He mumbled.  
I nodded slowly, **"Okay."** I whispered.  
He smiled, **"I'll come see you tomorrow. I promise!"** He hugged me before he jogged to his door.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow came and went. He didn't show. It hurt. I'll admit.  
He promised. I grabbed the phone from the lounge and dialled his number.  
Oh yes. He was working. Always working.

-  
I was twelve now.  
Christian was seventeen.  
We hadn't seen each other in so long. He kept breaking his promises. He was never there at the family events. He was always working.  
I made my way to his house, mentally preparing myself for my talk with him.  
Mrs Grey answered the door,** "Ana, Christian is at work sweetie."** Of course he fucking was!  
I nodded and turned away, going back the way I had came. I wandered across the street until I saw him, exiting a house.  
**"Christian!"** I shouted, running over to him.  
**"Go away, Ana."** He mumbled, running a hand through his messy hair. He was slightly breathless.  
I frowned, **"We haven't seen each other in so long...you're always working."** I told him. I wanted to work this out.  
**"Leave Ana. I don't want to see you."** He hissed, turning to me. Oh my. His eyes were dark and angry.  
**"Why?"** I whispered. What had happened?  
**"I just don't, okay? We haven't seen each other in so long because I've been busy being a teenager! Christ, Ana! I'm not your fucking babysitter."** He growled, "**The only reason I was ever friends with you was because you had no one. I felt bad for you, okay? But if I knew how clingy you would get I never would have bothered."** He shook his head and began to walk away.  
**"Is it her?"** I asked, following him. I refused to believe him. I wasn't some niave twelve year old. I was smart.  
**"Who?" **  
**"Mrs Lincoln?" **  
**"Don't you dare speak about her."** He snapped.  
I frowned, **"It is her! Is she making you work too much? Tell me!"** I pleaded.  
**"Ana,"** He said slowly, **"Mrs Lincoln is...different."** He whispered.  
**"Different how?" **  
**"Just different. She's...domineering."** He mumbled.  
I frowned, I didn't really know what that word meant, but okay.  
**"Please, Ana. Just fuck off."** He told me before he started sprinting back home.  
I stood there, my eyes watering. I thought he was my friend. I watched his retreating figure until he was no longer in sight.

-  
**"I got it! I finally got it!"** Kate squealed as she rushed into the apartment.  
**"What?"** José and I said in unison. We looked at each other and laughed.  
**"The interview!"** She grinned and sat down beside us. I fell silent.** "You know? The one about Grey Enterprising? With the one and only Mr Christian Grey, CEO."** She grinned.

Oh shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Guys! Sorry its took me so long to update. I've read all your reviews, thank you! Many of you were thinking you had read this before so I thought I'd clear this up - I changed my name and deleted the other chapters and thought I'd start again. I kept the first chapter, so that's why you're thinking you've read it. Anyway, here's chapter two. :)**

* * *

_"I went to bed I was thinking about you  
Ain't the same since I'm living without you  
All the memories are getting colder  
All the things that I wanna do over  
Went to bed I was thinking about you  
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to  
When I see you in my dreams at night  
It's so real but it's in my mind."_ **- "Don't Wake Me" : Skillet.**

**"Well say something, Ana!"** Kate laughed, pulling me from my day dream.  
**"What? Sorry."** I shook my head and looked down at the crumpled piece of paper in her lap, **"Yep. They sound good."**  
**"Really? They don't sound too..."** She searched for the right word,** "Uniformed?"  
**I laughed and shook my head, **"No. They're fine."** She had been working on the questions all day.  
The questions for the all too fucking perfect, Mr Grey. I hadn't slept well last night. I was too busy tossing and turning and remembering things I'd rather forget.  
I rememebered when he told me about him and Mrs Lincoln.  
I remembered him telling me she was different.  
I remembered his face, his pained eyes when he told me his dirty little secret.

-  
**"Ana please..."** He begged, his voice barely a whisper.  
**"What?"** I hissed. I was too angry to even hear his pathetic explanation.  
**"You're sixteen now..I thought you should know."** He stood, attempting to walk over to me but I held my hand up, stopping him in his tracks.  
**"You're kidding me right? Just because I'm sixteen you think I can handle this shit?"**  
**"Keep your fucking voice down!"** He glared at me, his eyes conveying every evil.  
I shook my head, **"You made me believe that it was my fault. You made me believe I was a freak! But really, you just wanted me out the way so you could have more time to fuck her, right?"**  
Truth. I had learned the truth. And the truth fucking hurt.  
**"It wasn't like that, Ana."** He began, **"She...she became a friend. A close friend."  
"A real close friend."** I muttered sourly.  
He sighed, running a hand through his mop of hair,** "I'm sorry. I was your friend and I let you down."** His eyes were full of anguish.  
I didn't give a shit. **"Whatever, Christian. I hope you rot in hell."**

-  
My eyes closed.  
I was tired.  
I was bored.  
I was fed up.  
Kate still wasn't back from the interview and José was with his dad.  
José. I smiled thinking of him. He was nothing like Christian. For one, he didn't fuck his boss, or lie to me, or pretend to be something he's not. He's truth. Plain and simple. I glanced at the clock. 9pm. Where the hell was she? I tried calling her cell. No answer. Was she okay? Was she with him? Groaning, I buried my head in my pillow. It was going to be a long night. There was no denying Kate was attracted to him, even if she had only seen pictures. But I had feeling, that today, after she met him, she'd have probably fallen hopelessly and falsely in love with that dick. I hadn't seen him in almost five years, I had done well to block him from my memory.  
But all my efforts were shot to hell when Kate rushed in with her_ brilliant_ news.

12am.  
Kate stumbles in, slightly tipsy. She opens my bedroom door and saunters in, sitting at the bottom of my bed.** "Ana?"** She whispered loudly. I wasn't asleep anyway. **"Yeah?"** I asked, sitting up. I turned on the bedside light and blinked into the sudden brightness. Kate's cheeks were flushed and her lips were swollen, just kissed.  
She grinned at me, **"He took me for dinner."** She confessed, practically bouncing on my bed, **"He's so fucking charming."  
**I faked a smile and sat straigher,** "Do you like him?"** I asked quietly. Of course she fucking did.  
She nodded and ran a hand through her hair, **"I really do."** She bit her lip and lay down on my bed,** "His lips are so soft."** She giggled.  
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, **"That's great."** I mumbled. I wasn't in the mood now. I wanted to tell her he was a dick. But who was I to say that? For all I knew, he could have changed. He could have turned into an alright guy. **"  
We're going out tomorrow night."** She told me, **"He's picking me up around eight."** She kissed my cheek and stood up, **"I can't wait!"  
**She closed my door behind her and left me to relish in my sudden depression.

-  
"**Ana."**  
His voice was like poison.  
He is poison. He turns everything good into badness.  
I couldn't help but crumble under his touch. I came apart at the seams. His lips trailed soft, warm kisses from under my ear to the base of my throat.  
I opened my eyes and he looked up. His eyes stared into mine. Blue and grey.

My stupid alarm screeched, startling me. I groaned and rubbed my tired eyes, turning the thing off. I had dreamt of Christian Grey. What the fuck? **"This can't be happening to me."** I whimpered quietly. I glanced at the clock. 11am. I rolled out of bed and padded into the kitchen where Kate was sat with a cup of coffee in her hand.  
**"Good morning!"** She sang, pouring me a cup. I smiled, taking the coffee from her.**  
"Morning."** I croaked. God, I sounded awful.** "Are you excited about tonight?"** I asked her. I had to pretend I was enthused.  
She nodded frantically,** "Yes! I just haven't decided what to wear."** She mumbled.  
She placed her empty cup in the sink and danced to her room. I sighed and sat at the breakfast bar, nursing my headache.

6.30pm.  
Kate started getting ready for her date. She had chosen a figure hugging crimson dress. She did look beautiful in it. I was so jealous of her, not that she knew. She was everything I wasn't. She was beautiful, perfect figure, lush hair, gorgeous eyes. Whereas I, I looked like a potato in comparisson. I sat infront of the tv with a bowl of Lucky Charms. Breakfast cereal always tasted better at night. The news anchor droned on and on and on about stuff I didn't give a shit about. The tv was on merely for background noise. Kate ran about, looking for different things. Her makeup, her shoe, her earrings. I rolled my eyes each time she emerged from her bedroom, panicking about a lost object.

He arrived early.  
Fifteen minutes early.  
Of course, I was the one who answered the door. I was on my second bowl of Lucky Charms and I looked like shit.  
I opened the door and walked away, leaving him to come in himself. I slumped back infront of the tv, watching him from the corner of my eye.  
**"You must be Ana, right?"** He mumbled, looking around, **"Kate's said a lot about you."** He chuckled.  
I could tell by his tone he knew who I was, regardless of Kate. He remembered.  
**"Really?"** I act surprised. **"She's not said a thing about you. Infact I only found out about your date an hour ago when she started getting ready."** I lied. It got to him. His jaw clenched. His jaw. His square, perfectly shaped jaw.  
**"Ana.."** He breathed, sitting down on the free chair next to the couch. I continued eating my cereal. Before he could get another word out, Kate emerged, looking radiant in her dress and black heels. And then they were gone.

-  
She blushed.  
I cringed.  
She laughed.  
I rolled my eyes.  
She smiled.  
I smirked.  
She gushed.  
I sighed.  
**"It was so fucking perfect, Ana. He's such a gentleman! Honestly, you, me, Christian and José should all go out together. It would be so much fun!" **Poor Kate. Poor naïve Kate. She didn't have a fucking clue.  
I nodded along with her and smiled, **"Sure. That would be fun." **I lied. It would suck. I'd hate it. And I was almost 100% sure, Christian would hate it too.

All week long I had endured Kate babbling about him.  
I swear, I was going to end up killing her. I was at work, slowly stocking shelves.  
I had promised José I'd meet him tonight, to go out for a couple of drinks. I hadn't seen him since Kate came home with her news.  
My own boyfriend and I hadn't kept in touch. I felt horrible. I'd been too busy wrapped up in my own rage and discomfort of having my bestfriend date my ex bestfriend. I stared at the price gun in my hand and narrowed my eyes. I had to stop dwelling on the past.  
I was pathetic.

I was back at home, getting ready for my date with José when my phone rang.  
_Unknown number. _I frownedand answered it anyway.  
**"Hello?"** I muttered, brushing through my tangled hair.  
**"Ana.."** It was him.  
**"How did you get my number, Christian?"**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for reading guys! **  
**Updates will be every Monday.**

* * *

_"You used to be alright _  
_What happened?_  
_Did the cat get your tongue _  
_Did your string come undone _  
_One by one, one by one _  
_It comes to us all_  
_It's as soft as your pillow." _**- "15 Steps" : Radiohead.**

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. **"How did you get my number, Christian?"** I repeated.  
**"I can get whatever I want, when I want, Ana." **I could hear him smile.  
I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock. I didn't have the strength for this. I didn't have the time for this. I couldn't be bothered listening to him, his words, his exuses, his reason for calling me.  
Still, I asked anyway, **"What do you want?"**  
He chuckled and it set me on edge. **"I just haven't been able to get you off my mind since my date with Kate. How you pretended you didn't know me...it, it made me fucking angry."  
**I rolled my eyes and fixed my hair in the mirror, **"You deserve it."  
"Really Ana? Do you ****_really_**** think that?"** His voice was like honey. Sweet, sweet honey. **"I said I was sorry, Ana."  
**I gritted my teeth. Was he fucking serious? **"Why her? Out of everyone why her?"  
**He sighed, **"Do you really want to do this over the phone?"** He asked softly.  
He was right. I didn't. I ended the call, turned my cell off and collapsed onto my bed.  
He got the better of me.  
He always did.  
He always will.

**"Are you okay?"** José took my hand and traced my knuckles with his thumb.  
I smiled and nodded, **"Yeah. I'm just tired."  
**I wasn't able to get that idiot out of my head ever since that phonecall. What the hell was he playing at? Just randomly calling for no fucking reason?  
José smiled, **"I've missed you."** He told me softly, brushing my hair from my face.  
I flinched, moving away from his touch. A small frown crossed his features.  
**"Ana?"**  
I suppose, I should at least have said something. Anything to explain my sudden detatchment. But I didn't.  
And so the evening went on in sweet, awkward silence.

-  
**"Mom, I'm fine." **  
**"Are you sure, Ana? You sound tired. Have you been getting enough sleep?"**  
I rolled my eyes. I had spent the best part of thirty minutes pretending I was okay. Pretending my life was awesome, no worries.  
My mom always seen through my facade.  
**"How's Kate?"** She attempted to change the subject, but that only made me more annoyed.  
**"Kate is doing great."** I mumbled. Kate was doing really great. Christian and her were on their seventh date and it made me sick.  
Christian and I hadn't spoke since that phonecall. We had seen each other, of course. But we didn't get the chance to talk. Not that I wanted to.  
**"How's Ray?" **I asked. My mom and Ray have had their share of disagreements and arguments, but they're stronger than ever. A few times, my mom had threatened to divorce him. I'm glad they didn't divorce. I actually, really like him. And he's good for my mom, in an obvious way.  
**"Oh. He's fine. He's taking me for dinner tonight. A kind of anniversary thing."** She giggled.  
I couldn't help but smile. She was acting like a young girl hopelessly in love.  
**"Well have fun. Tell him I say hi."**

Kate stared at me with wide eyes. I stared back. I wasn't sure why.  
**"He's invited me to meet his parents." **She squealed.  
I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the couch. **"Wow."  
"Seriously, I'm so fucking nervous Ana. I don't what to wear. I don't if they're posh or regular or whatever!"** She chewed her nail and glanced at me.  
**"His mom is really-"** I stopped myself. I almost told her. I actually almost told her my secret.  
She raised her eyebrows, **"His mom is really what?"** She questioned.  
I shrugged, **"His mom is really...nice. She's a doctor." **I told her.  
**"How do you know?"** She frowned and played with her blonde hair.  
I sighed, **"She..treated my..one of my friends a while ago." **I lied. She believed it anyway.

Day 36.  
Kate and Christian's 13th date.  
Keeping count is rather pathetic, right?  
I sighed, watching Kate run around as usual.  
**"Shit!"** She ran out of her bedroom and over to me, **"I have to run out. Oh my God."**  
I narrowed my eyes, **"Why?"  
"Woman things." **She mumbled, grabbing her purse.  
Oh.  
**"If Christian gets here before I'm back, tell him I won't be long!" **She called as she walked out the door.  
Great. Fucking great.  
Less than half an hour later, Christian arrived.  
I let him in. I had to.  
**"Kate ran out for something. She won't be long." **I told him**.  
**He nodded, ran a hand through his hair and sat down, **"I think we need to talk, Ana."  
**OhI great. I shook my head, **"There's nothing to talk about."  
"I think there is. If there was nothing to talk about you wouldn't be so on edge with me. You wouldn't be so angry."** He mumbled.  
**"Well, what do you expect Christian?"**  
**"You shouldn't be holding a grudge over something so fucking childish!"** He growled, standing up.  
I gritted my teeth, **"Childish? Childish?!" **I couldn't keep the venom from my voice, **"She was..****_is _****old enough to be your mother! How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel that you basically fucked someone that was kind of like your mom?" **It was too late. The words were out, swimming around us in a heated and intense encounter.  
His jaw clenched. His jaw. I wanted to reach out and touch it, kiss it.  
**"It wasn't like that."** He spoke slow, and carefully. **"****_She _****wasn't like that."  
**I had run out of things to say. I was slowly becoming more and more aware that there was nothing either of us could do to make each other understand.  
**"Why her?"** I whispered.  
His eyes softened, **"She was the only one who understood me. She was the only one who loved me for what I was."  
"A liar?" **I raised a brow and willed him to say something. Anything that would make me understand. **"Our parents stopped talking. ****_We _****stopped talking. You were my best friend and you threw our friendship away so you could fuck some old woman!"**  
The front door opened.  
We both turned.  
Kate was there, eyes wide.  
**"What the fuck is going on?"**

**"You two..know each other?"** She stood by the door, looking between Christian and I.  
I sighed and he shook his head, **"****_Knew_**** each other."  
**I watched him walk over to Kate, **"A long time ago."** He whispered to her, kissing her forehead.  
She glared at me, **"Why didn't you tell me?" **She demanded, moving from Christian.  
I shrugged, **"I thought if you didn't know then-"  
"Save it. I'll talk to you later." **She shook her head at me and took Christian's hand.  
Christian glanced at me, his eyes cold and hard before they both left for their date. Hand in hand.  
Leaving me alone. Again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Changed my mind. Updates every Monday and Thursday.**

* * *

_"Say you want to stay, you want me to_  
_Say you'll never die, you'll always haunt me_  
_I want to know I belong to you_  
_Say you'll haunt me_  
_Together, together we'll be together, together forever." _**- "Say You'll Haunt Me" : Stone Sour.**

_**Christian POV**_

I couldn't be bothered with this tedious interview today. She had been hassling my management for months, begging for one. I had grown sick of her pestering, so I agreed. Only now was I regretting it. I ran a hand down my face and sighed deeply. A small knock at the door made my eyes narrow.  
**"Come in."** I muttered. I stood and cleared my throat.  
She entered. Miss Kavanagh. Yellow hair in dissary.** "Mr Grey."** She extended her hand, **"I'm Kate. Kate Kavanagh."** She smiled.  
I shook her hand gently and nodded, **"Yes."** I muttered, **"I know who you are."**  
She flushed a pale pink and looked down.  
I motioned for her to join me by the window, to sit on the more comfortable seats for the interview. She was more than happy to oblige. Her eyes were wide and tentative as she glanced out of the window at the view.  
**"Beautiful day."** She whispered, mostly to herself.

As it turned out, we ended up drifting from the interview and engaged in a conversation that had nothing to do with my work or lifestyle. I found myself liking her, I found myself intrigued by her.  
**"Ana, she loves to read. Shakespeare...Bronte.."** She rolled her eyes, as if she were bored of the subject.  
**"Ana?"** I raised a brow.  
She blinked,** "My room-mate, Ana Steele."** She smiled warmly.  
Anastasia Steele. I smiled. She was friends with Ana.  
**"The appartment is covered in her books."** She sighed and shook her head.  
I nodded. I remembered Ana being in love with fictional characters from books. Pathetic little girl. It surprised me that Ana would be friends with someone like Kate. Kate seemed...vain, a little too pretentious. In saying so, I hadn't seen Ana in almost five years. Fuck knows what she was like now. I glanced at the clock and cleared my throat. I had just gone by 6pm. We were talking for three hours?  
I turned my attention back to Kate, **"You must be hungry...allow me to take you for dinner?"  
**She didn't need to be asked twice. Easy bitch.

After the dinner, I dropped her off at her appartment.  
I smiled and traced her jaw softly with my thumb, **"We should do this again. Soon."** I whispered.  
She nodded, she couldn't keep the excitement from her eyes,** "Sure."** She replied just as quietly.  
I leaned down and softly touched my lips to hers.

**"You're kidding me right? Just because I'm sixteen you think I can handle this shit?"** Her voice was like daggers, stabbing through my skin, penetrating my heart.  
I felt like shit for even doing this to her. **"Kepp your fucking voice down!"** I hissed. Did she not understand? Not everything was about her. Poor little, Ana. Always playing the victim. It made me sick. I had just came clean about my affair with Elena and she was less than pleased. Elena was different, soft, kind. With her all the badness went away and it was just me and her.  
**"I hope you rot in hell."** Her words stung.

-  
Lucky Charms.  
She was still such a child.  
I wandered into the appartment and looked around. She looked vaguely the same.  
**"You must be Ana, right?"** I asked softly, **"Kate's said a lot about you."** Truth. She hadn't fucking shut up about her.  
She set the spoon into the bowl and raised a perfectly shaped brow, **"Really? She's not said a thing about you. Infact I only found about your date an hour ago when she started getting ready."** She was smug. I hated smug.  
I sighed. I thought I'd better attempt to talk to her. She acted as though she had no clue who I fucking was. Bitch.  
**"Ana.."** I breathed, sitting down in the chair. She didn't look up, she continued eating her cereal. Such a child.  
Kate presented herself. Radiant in a crimson dress. I could have slapped her for ruining this moment with Ana. I stood and held my hand out for her,** "Ready?"** I asked.  
She nodded and looked over at Ana, **"Don't wait up."** She called as she walked to the door.  
**"Wasn't planning on it."** Came her response.

**"I always used to promise myself I'd never sleep with any guy on the first or second date."** She laughed, breathlessly.  
I smirked and traced litle patterns on her bare back, **"Were you waiting for our third?"** I teased.  
She nestled into my neck and stroked my chest softly, she kept silent.  
I closed my eyes. It shouldn't be her in bed with me.  
She kissed my shoulder softly and traced my bottom lip with her fingertip, **"What?"** I mumbled, opening one eye.  
She smiled and bit her lip, **"Nothing.."** She whispered.  
I hadn't expected her to fuck me.  
No. Easy whore.

I couldn't get that bitch out of my head.  
Ana.  
She dominated every part of my mind.  
I stared at the joint in my hand and exhaled. I had asked Sawyer to get her number for me. That was an easy job.  
I pressed 'call' and held my cell up to my ear. I made sure to withhold the number.  
**"Hello?"** She sounded stressed, busy.  
**"Ana."** I smirked, leaning back in my chair.  
**"How did you get my number, Christian?"** She breathed. Her voice faultered. Poor Ana.  
**"I can get whatever I want, when I want, Ana."** I answered simply.  
**"What do you want?"** What a boring fucking phonecall.  
I chuckled,** "I just haven't been able to get you off my mind since my date with Kate. How you pretended you didn't know me...it, it made me fucking angry."** I confessed. It was part of the reason why I fucked Kate.  
**"You deserve it."** She sighed. I deserved it?  
I took a drag from the joint I was holding and sighed, **"Really Ana? Do you really think that? I said I was sorry, Ana."  
"Why her? Out of everyone why her?"** Still this? Really?  
I sighed again. **"Do you really want to do this over the phone?"**  
She hung up. She fucking hung up.

I decided.  
Kate should meet my parents.  
Anything to get to Ana.  
I arrived and Kate had apparently ran out for something. And then the argument started.  
**"She was..is old enough to be your mother! How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel that you basically fucking someone that was kind of like your mom?"** She spat.  
I glared at her. I couldn't believe she even said something like that.  
**"It wasn't like that.****_She_**** wasn't like that."** I said slowly. I had to make her understand. She was so beautiful when she was angry.  
**"Why her?"** She whispered. Pain. I could see the pain in her fucking eyes.  
I had to be honest here. I had to tell the truth. **"She was the only one who understood me. She was the only one wh loved me for what I was."** I confessed quietly. Elena was really different. She did understand me.  
I could tell her anything and she would be there for me.  
**"A liar? Our parents stopped talking. We stopped talking. You were my best friend and you threw our friendship away so you could fuck some old woman!"** She hissed, she was getting angrier.  
I was about to reply when the front door closed. I turned and saw the whore, standing, watching us with wide eyes.  
**"What the fuck is going on?"** We were silent on the car ride to my parents' house. She stared out of the window while I concentrated on driving. She sighed every so often, probably waiting on me to say something.  
Not gonna happen, princess.  
**"If you think I'm fucking you tonight, you're wrong."** She finally mumbled.  
I chuckled.  
What a shame for me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Guys, I've been reading you reviews, thank you! Many of you dislike the idea of Kate being with Christian, understandable.  
Also, a lot of you have been questioning the joint and many other ideas in the story. Fanfiction gives you the opportunity to change the character traits and obviously the story itself. If you dislike the story please don't read. It's a waste of my time and yours.  
I'm updating now because I'm bored, but other than that, enjoy!**

* * *

_"Don't you see what's wrong can't you get it right?  
Outa mind, and outa sight  
Call on all your girls, don't forget the boys,  
Put a lid on all that noise.  
I'm, a satellite heart  
Lost in the dark.  
I'm spun out so far  
You stop I start, but I'll be true to you." _**- "Satellite Heart" : Anya Marina**

**_Christian POV_**

**"Christian!" **Mia hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. My sweet, sweet sister.  
I hugged her back and smiled, "**Mia, this is Kate."** I gestured to Kate and then back to Mia, **"Kate, this is my little sister Mia."**  
Kate smiled and said 'hello' and made polite conversation with my parents.  
Tedious. Absolutely tedious.  
My father smiled and nodded at me. Probably in a way of saying 'well done' or 'she is lovely'. Ugh.  
Elliot punched my arm and stood beside me, observing the small gathering in the lounge.  
**"So that's Kate, huh?"** He muttered, **"Is it serious between you two?"**  
I shrugged. I suppose you only introduced the girlfriend to the family if it is serious. But who cares?  
**"I guess." **I mumbled, running my hand through my tousled hair. I didn't give a shit.  
I just wanted her.  
Ana.  
Not Kate.  
What I experienced during the interview was nothing more than interest. Plain and simple.  
Elliot sighed and shook his head, **"I'll go introduce myself."** He then left my side and wandered over to Kate.  
She turned. She blushed and shook his hand. She smiled timidly. Oh for fuck sake. She liked my brother. Her pupils dilated and the blush on her cheeks became more noticeable. Silly girl.  
I stuffed my hand into my pockets and took a deep breath. This was dreadfully fucking boring.  
I thought back to the argument with Ana and smirked. She was so angry. I hoped she would make her peace with past. There was no point in bringing up the pain and I had so obviously caused. She'd never move on. Maybe she didn't want to. And if she didn't her life would be lonely and cold. I pitied her in a way. She had no idea.

I stared at the night sky and exhaled the smoke I was holding.  
I needed to relax. But I was too wound up.  
Kate returned home, no doubt to grill Ana about our encounter earlier this evening. The little bitch was true to her word. No sex.  
I glanced at the clock and gritted my teeth.  
Mrs Jones was busy cleaning the kitchen and I was bored.  
I picked up my Blackberry and I was tempted to call Ana. Would she answer? Would she shout at me?  
Regardless, I made the call.  
**"What Christian?"** She picked up on the second ring.  
I smiled, **"I just wanted to talk to you."** I replied, **"I didn't want any hard feelings between us."  
**She snorted. Adorable. **"Hard feelings?"** She repeated slowly, **"There's not. Don't worry."**  
I frowned. Seriously? Did she finally let go of the past? **"Okay..." **I chuckled softly. I didn't know what to say now.  
**"Kate's not happy with me."** She confessed quietly.  
**"I know."**  
**"She's not talking to me."  
"Or me."** I chewed my bottom lip and sat down by the window, **"Do you want to do something tonight?"** I surprised myself with the question.  
She was slow to reply.  
**"Sure.." **She whispered, **"What time?"**  
I pursed my lip. What time indeed. It had just gone seven.  
**"I'll pick you up at eight."** It shouldn't take me too long to drive there. Afterall, I drove like a maniac.

**"What made you decide to do something?"** She asked as soon as she climbed into my car.  
I smirked, my face lit only by the lights on the dash. **"I was bored."** I told her easily.  
From the corner of my eye I could see her nod and put on her seatbelt. **"Where are we going?" **She asked quietly, fixing her hair.  
She looked perfect as she was.  
**"Trinity. Felser Way." **I replied. Oh yeah, we were going clubbing.

**"I think..."** Hiccup. **"I think I'm drunk." **Giggles.  
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, **"I think you are too." **I raised my voice over the loud music and wrapped my arm around her delicate waste to keep her upright.  
She laughed easily and leaned against me. She definitely had too much to drink. Maybe I should have supervised how much she was drinking. But she was old enough to do that herself. I was no longer in the position to protect her. She had grown up.  
I led her outside for fresh air. I sparked up my joint and took a long and overdue drag. She eyed me carefully before she held her own hand out for it, smiling. I chuckled and passed it to her, watching her inhale before she passed it back to me.  
And that was us for the rest of the night. Passing a joint between the two of us. Talking. Laughing. Getting back to the way we were.

-  
**"You did it wrong, Christian!"** Ana whined, crossing her arms and frowning at me.  
I rolled my eyes and pushed her away from me, **"Stop being such a brat." **  
She scowled and stomped on my foot before running off into the garden.  
She had disappeared. I ran after her, trying to find her.  
**"Ana!"** I called. Where the hell was she? **"Ana I know you're here somewhere!"** I shouted, looking around for her. I was getting bored of this. **"Ana, seriously. This game sucks now. I'm bored and hungry!" **Nothing but truth. I was always hungry.  
She popped up from behind a bunker and walked over to me.  
**"Let's get back. Our moms will be looking for us." **I took her hand and pulled her alongside me, keeping an eye on her. I felt protective of her. She was a little treasure.  
The sound of the piano stopped me in my tracks. I looked over to the window, spotting Elliot sitting, playing easily. His finger danced across the keys.  
**"What's wrong?"** She whispered. I shook my head. I didn't want to tell her. I'd probably come off as jealous. And I was.  
Elliot was always showing off, getting the attention from our parents. I felt invisible sometimes. But Ana, she made me feel like I was something. Even though she was young, she was a beautiful soul.  
A terribly, beautiful soul.

-  
She cuddled into my side as I drove, trying to keep herself warm. It was a cold night.  
Her eyes were closed and her breathing was soft and slow. She'd have a hell of a hangover tomorrow. I smirked, thinking about her rolling out of bed, one eye open, hair tangled and messy. A low chuckle came from deep in my chest and she stirred slightly.  
She looked peaceful when she was asleep. I brushed the hair from her face softly and gently woke her.  
**"Ana?"** I murmered, **"Ana, we're at your appartment. You have to wake up."  
**She groaned softly and stretched, her eyes fluttering open. Fucking angel.  
I walked her to the front door, making sure she was alright on her feet.  
She opened the door and turned to me, **"I love you." **She slurred softly.  
And then the door closed.

She loved me?  
It had to be the alcohol. It just had to be.  
I lay awake in my bed and stared at the ceiling. She loved me? I sighed deeply. No mattered what I did, I couldn't get those words out of my head.  
I tried to convice myself she was only saying that because she was drunk..but it explained a lot. Didn't she have a boyfriend? I sighed again and rolled over, facing the window.  
It was 2am. 2 fucking am.  
**"Get her out of your fucking head, Grey."** I told myself.  
I couldn't. Her perfect smile, her beautiful eyes, her contagious laugh.

Did I love her too?


	6. Chapter 6

_"Oh lights and action _  
_I just can't be satisfied_  
_Oh losers and choosers _  
_Won't you please hold on my life _  
_Oh hours and hours _  
_Like the dog years of the day _  
_Old story, same old story _  
_Won't you see the light of day." _**- "Oh Love" : Green Day.**

**_Christian POV_**

With her in my head, I go into work.  
Her smile. Her laugh. Her scent.  
Her.  
Her.  
Her.  
I stare at my computer, unsure what to type, what to do. I can't concentrate. My mind keeps spinning and always stopping on her. Ana.  
**_"I love you."_**She slurred last night. I couldn't get those three words out of my fucking head. I was up all night, replaying it over and over and over. Did she even know the effect she had on me? Did she know I was only interested in Kate because of her? Did she see through my facade? I was a dick. I can admit that now. And even if I was to call if off with Kate right now, I'd still be a dick for moving onto her best friend. I'd ruin their friendship. I'd ruin them both.  
I decided to take the rest of the day off. My company. My rules. They couldn't stop me.  
I climbed into my car and stayed there, silent and still, trying to figure out what direction I was taking. Kate or Ana. Or both.  
I cursed myself for even contemplating them both. Deciding I had nothing better to do in this car, I rolled a joint, sparked it up and inhaled deeply. I immediatly relaxed. I could think. I could see straight. I could decide.

-  
Her dark hair danced in the faint wind. Her smile sent my heart into overdrive. Her laugh made my bones week.  
Her eyes could see into my soul.  
**"You can't keep running over to me everytime you argue with your siblings, Christian."** She was sympathetic. She understood. She was gentle and kind and caring and I didn't know any better.  
**"I just had to see you."** I replied, slowly. I needed her. I needed her like I needed air. I couldn't breathe without her. She was the light to my darkness. She was my cocaine.  
**"Did you miss me?"** She whispered. She trailed her fingers down my chest and her eyes smiled.  
I nodded and looked down. She tilted my head up and kissed me. Once. Hard. Loving.  
I groaned quietly and pushed her against me. She laughed.  
**"Eager for me?" **She purred.  
God, what the fuck was happening?

-  
**"I thought you'd be pleased to see me."** She mumbled, standing in the doorway.  
I nodded and motioned for her to come in, **"I am."** I lied. Easy. I was good at lying. I had done it all my fucking life.  
She walked in, smiling at me. She ran a hand through her blonde hair and sat down across for me. She stared. Stared. Stared.  
**"What?"** I had to ask. She was beginning to annoy me.  
She shrugged, **"Nothing. I wanted to come over. Ana is...well..she's out and I was bored."** She confessed.  
**"Kate.."** I sighed, shaking my head, **"You should have called."** I told her. Her face fell.  
**"Do you want me to go?"** She asked quietly. Dick. You're a dick. Such a fucking dick.  
I shook my head quickly, **"No. Of course not."** I lied, **"I meant you should have called, cause...I could have booked us a table somewhere." **I shrugged. Nonchalant bastard.  
**"Oh..it's fine. I've already ate."** She replied, her smile was wider, showing all her white teeth. I faked a smile back.  
God. My skin itched and my eyes burned. I needed her out. I needed a smoke. I needed space. I needed _her_ gone.

Fuck.  
Oh sweet fucking God.  
I exhaled smoke and stared out of the window, down to the dark streets of Seattle. Horrible fucking place. Horrible fucking country. Horrible fucking world. We all lived in a sick, twisted, fucked up economy. And what was I? A mind-fuck. A dick. A shameless bastard.  
I stared at my reflection in the glass and narrowed my eyes. She was still in my head, whispering sweet fucking words to me.  
Ana was still there. But _she_ was back. _She_ was whispering to me.  
_Where are you? Come find me. Come love me._  
You'd think after all these years I'd be able to get her out of my mind. Out of sight out of mind. But no.  
I suppose I should just pick the easier option. That way no question would be asked. No friendship would be broken.  
I was stuck though. Stuck between two. I couldn't give a fuck about the other.  
Relax.  
Inhale.  
Exhale.  
Inhale.  
Exhale.  
I let my mind wander now. What would she be doing right now? Did _she _miss me? Did _she_ really know what she wanted?

-  
**"How are you?"**  
**"Fine, thank you."  
"I'm glad. You made it through your hangover."  
"Shut up."  
"Do you remember what you said?"** I had to make sure. I had to make sure she knew. I had to make sure if she meant it or not.  
**"Yes."** She replied, quieter this time.  
I smirked. She meant it. She fucking meant it.  
**"Good."** Was all I said. Good. Plain and fucking simple.  
**"Good."** She replied too. I chuckled. Good. It was all so fucking good.

Lying in bed.  
Trying to sleep.  
Can't fucking sleep.  
I rolled over and sighed deeply. This shit was getting old.  
I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling.  
My phone buzzed. A phonecall.  
I sighed, sat up. I lifted it from the table. My breathing caught.  
It was my cocaine. My fucking light.  
It was _her._


	7. Chapter 7

_"I_ _hate living without you _  
_Dead wrong to ever doubt you_  
_But my demons lay in waiting _  
_Tempting me away_  
_Oh how I adore you _  
_Oh how I thirst for you _  
_Oh how I need you _  
_Comatose.._  
_I'll never wake up without an overdose of you." _**- "Comatose" : Skillet.**

**_Christian's POV_**

Her voice came like music to my ears.  
**"Christian?" **She whispered.  
I closed my eyes. Elena. Sweet Elena.  
**"I've missed you.." **She confessed quietly.  
I smiled. **"Have you?"** Here was me, playing the dick again.  
I should have known something was up. I hadn't been able to get her out of my head.  
I got out of bed and padded into the lounge. Mrs Jones had went to bed and the place was immaculate. I was grateful.  
**"Christian? Did you hear me?"**  
I cleared my throat, **"Sorry?"**  
**"I said...we should get together some time."** She giggled. I smirked. God yes.  
Ana didn't even cross my mind until I agreed and hung up.

-  
I stared out the window. The view was different. Completely different.  
**"Okay..so how about this?"** Kate emerged from her bedroom wearing a different styled and coloured dress. I turned and nodded.  
She sighed and scowled at me.  
**"Kate, I don't care. You look great in every one of them."** I mumbled, turning back to the window.  
She growled, **"I'll go ask Ana." **She stomped away, leaving me rolling my eyes and agitated.  
Ana came out of her room with Kate beside her. She didn't even look in my direction. Bitch. It's not like I did anything bad to her.  
Kate slammed her bedroom door and Ana sat down at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.  
I moved to join her. She picked at the black nail polish on her nails and sighed.  
I smiled, **"You okay?"** I asked. She looked stressed, upset, angry.  
She nodded, **"Yeah..I'm just tired..of Kate."** She told me, leaning back in the seat. I nodded. I knew how that felt.  
**"How's it going with you two?"** She asked quietly.  
I shrugged, **"Good. My parents really liked her. My brother ****_really_**** liked her."** I chuckled.  
Her face fell. I think she was expecting something bad. Like, its going shit, my parents hate her and I can't stand her.  
I looked down. We hadn't really spoken since she confessed her love for me and the tension between us was growing.  
**"I better get ready for work."** She muttered, standing up. As she moved to go by me, I grabbed her hand.  
She looked down at me. I smiled and looked into her eyes, **"She's got nothing on you." **I whispered, watching the slow blush form on her flawless fucking cheeks.

I forgot what she felt like.  
I forgot what she tasted like.  
I forgot how she kissed.  
I forgot how she touched.  
Touching her now made it all rush back. I looked up, watching her pink cheeks redden slightly as she rode faster ontop of me.  
Her nails left little cresent shapes on my chest, she broke the skin slightly but it didn't bother me.  
She was close. I was close. We came together. Relishing in the feeling of it.  
She collapsed ontop of me, breathing heavily.  
Elena. My sweet, sweet Elena.  
**"I missed you."** She breathed, kissing my chest.  
I knew. I really knew. I missed her too. I smiled and stroked her back softly, kissed her forehead, closed my eyes.  
Dick. I was such a fucking dick.

-  
**"Kate is a lovely girl, Christian."** My mother poured me coffee and sat opposite me in the kitchen.  
I nodded and smiled, keeping up the pretense, **"I know." **I replied.  
She took a sip of her lemon tea and smiled, **"Do you love her?"**  
I almost choked. There was only one woman I loved. Only one.  
"It's** still a bit early to start throwing that word around, Mom."** I muttered coldly.  
She recognised the tone and said nothing more on the matter. She changed the subject to Mia and Elliot and how my dad was never around when needed.  
I shrugged now and again. I couldn't give a shit. I had my own worries.  
**"It's heading for a divorce."** She whispered sadly.  
I sat my mug down. I didn't expect that. Not one fucking bit.  
**"Mom..."** I started but she shook her head and smiled.  
**"It's fine. I just...I just don't know who he is anymore Christian."** She shrugged sadly and took another sip of her tea.  
I had been so wrapped up in my own little world with my own little problems, I had forgotten the people who mattered most.  
I had neglected my duties as a brother and as a son.  
Dick. Such a fucking dick.  
**"Maybe you should try counselling."** I suggested. It was worth a try.  
She made a face. My mother didn't like that idea, **"I don't know if your father would go for that. You know what he's like."**  
I nodded and finished off my coffee. I did know what he was like. He was like me. Only older, more mature and a hell of a lot more loyal.

**"Kate, I don't fucking care!" **I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit and listen to her babble about her family. About her work, about her friends. It was doing my head in.  
Her eyes widened and tears started pooling. Dick. Such a fucking dick.  
**"I'm...I'm sorry."** She whispered.  
I sighed. Shook my head and sighed. I put my arm around her and brought her to my chest, **"No. I'm sorry." **I mumbled, **"I shouldn't have snapped like that."**I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. I wasn't sorry. I didn't give a shit. At least not about her.

She went to bed. She fell fast asleep.  
I went to Ana.  
I lay down beside her, watching her sleep. God, she was a fucking angel!  
She took a deep breath and stretched, feeling me near. She turned over, her chest to my chest and opened her eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes.  
**"What are you doing?"** She whispered sleepily. So fucking cute.  
I smiled, traced her jawline softly and kissed her forehead, **"I couldn't sleep. I didn't know you were sleeping otherwise I wouldn't have came in." **I whispered back.  
She shook her head and smiled. I could feel her blush under my hand.  
I couldn't stop myself. My lips touched her delicate, soft ones. She pulled back as soon as we made contact.  
**"You're with Kate." **She stated.  
I smiled, **"What if I told you I didn't want to be?"** I asked quietly.  
She bit her lip, came closer. Closer. Closer.  
And her lips found mine.

Over breakfast, little conversation was made.  
Ana kept her eyes on her Lucky Charms. Kate kept her eyes on her coffee and I kept my eyes on Ana.  
We kissed last night. Not a major thing. But to her it was. To me it was.  
I loved her. With every fibre of my being, I loved her. With every breath I took, I loved her. I was in too deep.  
I should be emotionally cut off. I should be staying away. I should be doing what's right. But I wasn't.  
Kate was in my head. Elena and Ana shared my heart.  
Again, I'm a dick. A complete fucking dick. I deserved to be put down.  
Kate went off to shower, leaving me and Ana. Alone.  
I smiled and watched her place her bowl in the sink. She looked at me for the first time all morning.  
**"What happened last night..."** She began, clearing her throat, **"It..it shouldn't have happened."**  
I chuckled, **"It's not like we slept together, Ana."**  
What I said took her by surprise. Her eyes clouded over and she nodded weakly.  
I inwardly groaned. _Stop being a dick, dick._  
I stood up, walked over to her and took her hand in mine, **"What happened last night should have happened last night."** I whispered softly.  
She looked up at me. She was about to speak but I silenced her with a gentle kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Her white blank page and a swelling rage, rage _  
_You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink_  
_You desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections." _**- "White Blank Page" : Mumford & Sons.**

**_Ana_**

I watched him with her.  
Sitting on the couch. Arms wrapped around one and other.  
I knew the truth. Me. I knew.  
She snuggled into his neck, drawing patterns on his chest. He kissed her forehead, playing with her hair.  
I stood, leaning against the doorframe, watching the sickeningly false scene.  
He kissed me last night. He kissed me this morning. What the fuck was going on?  
I narrowed my eyes, I had to stop this. I had to stop tormenting myself.  
I had finally got over my embarrasment of confessing my 'love' to him the other night, finally.  
Maybe it was lust. I don't know. I never knew these kind of things.  
José.  
In the past hour I had four missed calls from him. I didn't call him back. I didn't want to. He was a character in this book I didn't like or need.  
I needed the man on the couch. I needed the man who was showing fake affection to my best friend. I needed the man who stole sweet midnight kisses from me.  
I left the doorframe and made my way into the kitchen for a glass of water. Watching them made my stomach turn.  
Why couldn't he just be honest with her? Why couldn't he stop this from going any further? He didn't want this with Kate so why go through the torture?  
I sighed, sat at the breakfast bar and ran a hand through my hair.  
I didn't know what to do. Was I reading too much into this? He kissed me twice, that didn't exactly mean anything, right?

**"We should stop this."** I whispered in the dark. I felt him smile.  
I moved from him and sat up. All we had done for the past hour and a half was make out and touch. And make out some more.  
**"Ana.."** He sighed, touching my face. I let him. I had no fucking willpower. **"You should stop feeling guilty." **He whispered.  
I snorted, **"It's not like we've slept together."** I muttered, repeating his earlier words.  
He gritted his teeth, **"Ana, please. Stop this."** His voice was like daggers. They cut me sweetly.  
I looked down, picking at a stray thread on the duvet.  
Day 15.  
Keeping count again. He was still with Kate.  
We were still stealing midnight kisses. Only kisses. Just kisses.

Work. Boring work.  
I leaned against the counter watching an old woman decided between two different mops. Interesting.  
I yawned and checked the time. Another hour and I was gone. Another hour and I'd be under my covers, warming myself, getting ready for sleep.  
Finally, she decided. The cheaper one. I rolled my eyes and stood up straight as she came over to pay. She payed, smiled and left.  
Again, I was alone. Bored. Waiting for the hour to be up.  
Last night Christian came into my room again. He made himself comfortable. We cuddled and kissed and talked. And for what? For him to leave a few hours later and go back to Kate? For him to lie to her and play happy families? For him to ignore whatever is happening between us? I was growing sick of it. He only wanted my company. Not me.

Kate thought it would be a good idea to go on that double date. Her and Christian. Me and José.  
We sat together at a small table in the corner of a bar and made polite conversation at the start of the evening.  
I didn't want to do this. And I could tell José didn't want to either.  
**"So...this is fun."** Kate smiled, taking a sip of her white wine.  
Christian smirked and put his arm around her shoulders. Fucking wanker.  
José took my hand, traced his thumb over my knuckles and nodded, **"Great fun."**  
Boring. Boring isn't fun.  
I traced the top of my bottle of beer and sighed. Awkward. Boring. Depressing. Three words to sum up the evening.  
It wasn't long before Kate and Christian started making out infront of us.  
José and I sat in silence. It wasn't much of a relationship. I felt bad.  
I took his hand and stood up, pulling him up with me. I led him outside and looked up at him.  
It was time to break this off. This was going nowhere.  
**"I think we should break up."** I told him.  
His jaw clenched, but he said nothing. My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what to say or do.  
He ran his hand down his face and sighed, **"I guess I should have seen this coming." **He mumbled, **"You've been so distant with me lately." **  
I nodded. He was right. I had been distant. **"I'm sorry."** It was all I could say.

-  
I wrapped a towel around my body and stepped into my bedroom.  
I felt better. Clean. Refreshed. Alive.  
I dried and slipped on my pyjamas before towel drying my hair.  
Christian was staying over again tonight. Which meant he'd more than likely come into my room when Kate was asleep.  
No. It wasn't happening. I walked over to my door and turned the lock.  
I didn't regret it. Not until I woke at 2am longing for his arms around me.

**"Sleep well?" **I asked as I sat across from them.  
Christian narrowed his eyes and drank from his coffee mug.  
Kate smiled and nodded, **"Yep. You?"** She took a bite of her toast and stared at me.  
I nodded and looked between them both, **"Like a baby."** I smiled at Christian, watching his eyes cloud with anger and resentment before I stood and returned to my room to get ready for the day.  
I was just taking my cell off of charge when he came in, closing the door behind him.  
**"You didn't want to see me last night?"** He asked, leaning against the closed door.  
I turned to face him and shook my head, **"No."** I answered. His Adam's apple jumped in his throat. I felt bad. Fuck knows why.  
**"And why would that be?"** He stepped closer, slowly.  
**"Because I'm getting sick of being your toy. You only come to me because you're bored with Kate."**  
He chuckled and shook his head in disbelief, **"Oh Ana. You're so fucking stupid."**


	9. Chapter 9

**Guys, thankyou so much for reading and reviewing! Keep it up!  
Also, it's important you read the song lyrics in these chapters as it sums them up.  
**

_"Not that I'm so different_  
_Not that I don't see_  
_The dying light of what we used to be_  
_But how_ _could I forgive you?_  
_You've changed!_  
_And I'm a liar by your side_  
_I'm about to lose my mind." _**- "The Change" : Evanescence.**

_**Ana**_

I crossed my arms and chewed my bottom lip. I was stupid? I raised a brow,** "Okay?" **I pressed.  
He rolled his eyes and walked over to me, **"You're so oblivious." **He sighed.  
I frowned. What the fuck was he talking about? I looked up at him, into his beautiful grey eyes. He smiled.  
**"What are you talking about, Christian?"** I was getting bored this charade. I just wanted answers. Like why was he craving my company all of a sudden? Why was he making out with me instead of his girlfriend? Why was he whispering sweet nothings into my ear near enough every night? Why not Kate?  
**"I'm sure if you think long and hard, you'll know what I'm talking about."** The kindness was gone. Replaced by a bitter coldness. He turned his back to me and left the room.  
I wanted to grab him, turn him to face me and shake the answers from him. But I didn't. I watched him leave.  
I was stupid. So fucking stupid.

**"You don't have to fucking lie to me!"** Kate hissed through her tears.  
Christian rubbed his forehead as he leaned against the kitchen doorframe.  
I wasn't sure what was going on. I had just came home from work. I had a migrane and I just couldn't be bothered with drama.  
**"Kate, you're over reacting.." **He said slowly, deliberately.  
I sighed and dumped my bag on the couch, and began maneuvering my way around Christian to get into the kitchen for water.  
Kate looked like shit. She ignored me and stared at Christian.  
**  
"I'm only going out of town for a few days! I'm not cheating on you, Kate!"** He chuckled as if the subject was hilarious.  
Liar. He was a liar. A fucking liar.  
I felt the heat on my cheeks rising. Did this mean she suspected something between me and him? Shit.  
**"Promise?"** She wiped her eyes. She was such a baby at times. Always over reacting. They had only been dating two months and she was convinced he was cheating. Well, he was, but that was hardly the point.  
I felt intrusive. I began to walk to the door.  
**"I would never cheat on you. No girl comes close to you." **He told her as I reached the door.  
I wanted to throw my water over him. I wanted to scream at him. He couldn't keep doing this to me, to Kate.  
I retreated to my room and stood by the window, looking out at the night sky.  
This was eating me up inside, I didn't know who I was. I was lying to my bestfriend. Fine, we hadn't went as far as sleeping together, but still! He had no right to string me along, and Kate. Kate was a victim in all of this too. I hated him for doing this.  
But I loved him.  
I was stupid. So fucking stupid.

-  
**"Ana?"** His voice was soft, velvet.  
I sat up, blinking in the sudden light of my room. **"What?"** I whispered. Was he seriously coming in here?  
He closed the door quietly behind him and walked toward my bed. He slipped in beside me and put his arm around me, pulling me close.  
I just crumbled. I leaned my head against his shoulder and breathed in his musky scent.  
**"You should go to sleep."** He whispered, running his fingers through my hair.  
I closed my eyes. I was so fucking obediant when it came to him.  
**"Ana...sweet Ana."** He breathed against my skin. I trembled. Too much. This was too much. A soft whimper escaped from my delicate lips as he trailed his fingers across my inner thigh. What was he doing to me?  
**"Sweet, warm, soft, beautiful Ana."** He kissed me long, hard, deep. I came apart. I allowed him. I allowed him to crawl into my head and control me. I had no willpower when it came to him. It was getting worse and worse every time he sneaked in.  
**"I love you."** His whisper was soft, gentle. Against my heart.

I felt like jelly when I woke up the next morning. My head was numb and hollow, my mouth was dry.  
I made my way into the kitchen, yawning. The couple were sitting reading the paper together. How fucking cute.  
**"Jesus, Ana. You look like shit!"** Kate exclaimed when she saw me.  
I smiled, **"Thanks. Thanks a lot."**  
**"Did you get much sleep?"** She asked, concerned. I never did whenever he came to visit.  
I shook my head, **"Not really. I couldn't sleep."** I lied. Lie. It seemed all I was doing lately was lying.  
Christian kept quiet, just taking sips from his coffee. His eyes met mine. He didn't speak, his eyes said everything.  
My head lowered and I left the kitchen to go shower. I had to get him off me. He was everywhere. Between my legs. In my mouth. In my fucking heart.

I felt clean again. Not dirty. I was no longer the dirty little whore.  
I was Ana. Well, whatever was left of Ana.  
Christian had left to go to work and it was just me and Kate in the house.  
**"I'm thinking of asking him to move in." **She confessed, blushing slightly.  
My eyes widened, **"What?"** I couldn't believe this, **"It's only been two months since you started dating. It's a bit too early, don't you think?"**  
She didn't like that. She frowned, **"Why can't you just be happy for me, Ana? Jeez. Just because things with you and José didn't work, doesn't mean you have to be such a bitter bitch about everything."** She stood up, went to her room and slammed the door.  
I was stunned into silence. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.  
I thought back to last night with Christian.  
_You're a whore, you're nothing more._

-  
The next few days were tense and awkward. Kate and I hardly spoke. Christian didn't return to my room.  
I felt used. He fucked me then left me.  
I rubbed my forehead as I sat at the breakfast bar, reading another of Shakespeare's classics. _Romeo and Juliet._  
Ironic, right? Pathetic, right?  
I wished everything was as easy as Romeo and Juliet's love. It was so pure and honest and real. Something Christian and I lacked.  
I didn't respond to his confession. I kept silent. Maybe that's why he hadn't returned. Because I didn't say I loved him too.  
_Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!_  
_Give me my sin again... - Romeo.  
You kiss by the book. - Juliet._

I sighed deeply and rubbed the back of my neck. I glanced at the clock. Kate had just gone out shopping and Christian was due. He spent more time here than he did at his own house.  
The door opened and I groaned. He was here.  
He coughed and I heard him walk toward the kitchen. Where I was. Fabulous.  
**"Hey."** He whispered. He began to massage the back of my neck.  
It felt good. I couldn't stop myself from moaning quietly.  
He chuckled, **"Hard day?"** He questioned.  
I shook my head, **"Hardly."** I mumbled.  
This was the way it should be. No worries. No other attachments. Me and him. Him and me.  
He kissed the top of my head and smiled, walking toward the cupboard for a mug, **"Coffee?" **He asked, pouring the dark liquid in.  
I nodded and took it from him. Grateful.  
He smiled and kissed me softly.  
**"Where's Kate?"** He asked against my lips.  
I felt her. I fucking felt her before I even opened my mouth to speak. He stiffened. He felt her too.  
We both turned to see her standing in the doorway, glaring at us.  
**"She's right fucking here."**


	10. Chapter 10

_"Spotlight, bad baby _  
_You've got a flair _  
_For the violentest kind of love anywhere out there _  
_Mon amour, sweet child of mine, you're divine _  
_Didn't anyone ever tell you it's ok to shine?" _**- "Bel Air" : Lana Del Rey.**

_**Ana**_

I remained quiet. We all did. We just stared at one another, unsure what to say or when to say it.  
Christian moved from me and began to walk toward Kate. She backed away, shaking her head.  
**"Kate..." **He whispered.  
Kate shook her head, wiping her eyes. I could tell she was trying so hard. So hard not to cry.  
I looked down. I didn't know what to say.  
**"How long?" **She whispered.  
Christian frowned, **"Kate...we didn't.."**  
**"How long?!"** She hissed.  
**"A few weeks."** He confessed quietly.  
I chewed my lip and looked up. What did I expect? That she wouldn't find out? That she'd be okay when she did?  
I sighed and she turned to me, **"Aren't you going to say fucking something?"** She demanded.  
**"Kate, I'm sorry. I am. We didn't plan on this."** I told her. It was true. It just happened.  
She narrowed her eyes, **"Is this why you tried to talk me out of asking him to move in?"** She was getting angrier.  
I shook my head, **"No, that's not-"  
"Shut the fuck up!" **She looked away from me and back to Christian.  
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.  
Kate started laughing. What the fuck?  
**"It's** **fine..."** She shook her head and looked down, her tears forgotten, **"I'm fucking your brother."**

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Today was so fucked up.  
How fucking dare she start crying and shouting when she was cheating herself!  
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She went out, probably to get drunk.  
I turned onto my side and smiled when I saw his perfect face.  
Kate finding out didn't stop us from being together. Only now we could be together without hiding.  
I leaned my head on his shoulder and he moved to put his arm around me.  
**"You should get some sleep."** He whispered sleepily.  
I shook my head, I couldn't sleep. I was too wound up. Too annoyed.  
**"Let it go." **He whispered, kissing my temple.  
And so I tried. I tried so hard. I closed my eyes and banished thoughts of Kate out of my mind. Banished thoughts of her lies and double standards. And I fell asleep.

-  
I was sitting in his lounge, nursing a headache when he padded in with two bottles of beer.  
He smiled and handed me one. I took it gratefully.  
We didn't speak for few moments. He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.  
**"I have to go out for a few hours. Work related." **He told me.  
I sighed and nodded. Ever since Kate found out, he'd been totally wrapped up in work. I hardly got to see him. I thought tonight would have been different. But no.  
**"I'll be back soon. Promise." **He whispered. He kissed me once and then walked out the door, leaving me in this big house alone.  
I sighed and stood up, deciding I'd look around and explore.  
I left the lounge and headed down the long corridor, turning right. It was his office. I bit my lip and pushed open the door. Nothing special. A desk, lamp, laptop, chair, pool table. I closed the door and went forward, there were a few doors. I opened one. The bathroom. I opened another one. A bedroom. His bedroom. I smiled to myself. It smelled like him. The bed was made and the room was tidy. Really tidy. His tie from earlier hung on the wardrobe handle and his jacket was laid across the foot of the bed. I left.  
I tried to open the remaining door. It was locked. I frowned. Why would it be locked? What could possibly be in it that would make him want to lock it?  
Maybe the key was in the office. I smiled to myself and returned to the office, searching for the key. I opened drawers and looked on the bookshelf. I was curious. Maybe I should have just waited until he returned and asked him, but my curiosity got the better of me. I knew this was wrong, but I didn't care.  
I found it. In the last drawer of his desk. I smiled again and returned to the lockdoor, inserted the key and unlocked it.  
I slowly opened the door, ignoring the slight creak it made.  
I wasn't not prepared for what was on the other side of the door.

**_Christian_**

Kate was out of the picture. Thank fuck. I had saved myself the torture of breaking up with her.  
I was on my way to Elena's. I lied to Ana, telling her I was going back to work for a few hours. I was a dick. A fucking dick.  
I pulled up outside her house and killed the engine. I had to see her. I just had to. I had been craving her since the last time we were together.  
I closed my eyes. I was seventeen again. Sneaking around, lying to people. I hated it. But I loved it at the same time. It was so fucking bittersweet.  
I climbed out of the car and knocked lightly on the door. She answer quickly. I smiled. She smiled. I entered. She closed the door.  
**"Christian."** She kissed me softly and went into the kitchen, **"Whiskey?"** She offered, pouring some into a small glass. I smiled and took it from her.  
**"Thank you." **I whispered, downing it. It burned, but it was good.  
She laughed and took my hand, led me up to the bedroom.

I was later than I thought. I got home at midnight. I left at seven.  
Closing the door quietly, I walked through to my bedroom. Ana was cuddled under the duvet, sound asleep. I hated myself for doing this to her. She didn't deserve it. Cheating on her was not a good way of saying I loved her. I unbuttoned my shirt and dropped it to the floor, took off my jeans too and dropped them next to my shirt. I climbed in beside her. She stirred slightly, but not enough to wake. I kissed her temple softly and whispered, **"I love you." **before getting comfortable and closing my eyes.  
The night replayed itself behind my closed eyes. My skin tingled from when she touched me, when she dug her nails into my hips, into my back, into my neck. Bittersweet. So fucking bittersweet. And I was a dick. Such a fucking dick.

**"What time did you get in last night?"** She asked, finally breaking the silence over breakfast.  
Mrs Jones left the kitchen and began to clean. Not that she needed to.  
**"Around midnight. It took a little longer than expected, I'm sorry." **I was sorry. But I wasn't going to change. I knew that.  
She nodded and looked back down to her bowl of melon.  
I frowned, **"Is there something wrong?"** I asked her. She shook her head and smiled. It was forced.  
I could tell.  
**"What's in that locked room?"** She asked.  
I swear my heart stopped.


	11. Chapter 11

_"A drunken salesman _  
_Your hearing damage _  
_Your mind is restless _  
_They say you're getting better_  
_But you don't feel any better _  
_Your speakers are blowing _  
_Your ears are wrecking _  
_Your hearing damage_  
_You wish you felt better _  
_You wish you felt better _  
_You can do no wrong in my eyes." _**- "Hearing Damage" : Thom Yorke**

_**Ana**_

I waited, expectant. I took a sip of my orange juice and stared at him.  
He shrugged it off, **"Just some old boxes and stuff."** He replied calmly.  
Liar.  
**"What kind of stuff?"** I pressed.  
He sighed, **"Childhood stuff, boxes from my parents."** He smiled and drank his coffee.  
I nodded and stood, placing my bowl into the sink. I then turned and smiled sweetly at him, **"I'm gonna shower." **I nodded and left the kitchen, making my way down to his bedroom. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath.  
Liar. Fucking liar.  
I opened the door to the en suite bathroom and dropped my robe to the floor, turned the shower on and stepped under the warm water.  
I closed my eyes and let the water run down my face. That room. The things in that room. I shivered despite the steam and warmth.  
There were things in that room I didn't want to remember, I didn't want to see again. And the pictures? Pictures of me. Other woman. I shivered again.

-  
**"Are you going home today?"** He asked as we sat, cuddled on the sofa watching a movie.  
I nodded, **"Yeah." **I had to go home. I couldn't spend another day here. I didn't even want to be in his arms. But I had to act as though everything was okay.  
He kissed the top of my head and smiled, **"I'll drop you off."** He whispered. I nodded and kept my eyes on the screen. I was getting tired, getting bored.  
He stroked my arm softly and continued to kiss my head every now and again. It made my stomach turn. I smiled and sat up, glancing at the clock, **"I should probably go."**I told him. He nodded, and soon enough we were in the car.

**"Is Kate still being off with you?" **He asked softly as he drove.  
I shrugged and stared out of the window, **"Not really." **I replied. She had mellowed out. She decided that she wouldn't stay mad at me since she was now dating Christian's brother, Elliot. They did make a cute couple. I hardly ever saw her though. She was always out with him, staying over at his place. I was grateful for the peace and quiet but I missed her.  
He pulled up outside the house and killed the engine.  
**"Do you want me to come inside? Make sure you're okay?"** He suggested, smiling at me.  
I shook my head. I didn't want to be near him right now, **"No. It's okay." **I leaned over and kissed him quickly. **"I'll see you later." **I whispered and then climbed out of the car.  
I shut the door behind me and locked it. I went straight to bed. I turned the lights off, turned my cell off and closed my eyes.  
I was in love with a liar. A sado-masochist. And he was too afraid to tell me. But I couldn't change that. I couldn't change him. I was in love with him regardless.

**_Christian_**

I dropped her off at her house and waited until she had closed the door before I drove off.  
I had to see her. I sparked up a joint and smoked it while I was on my way to hers.  
Again, she answered the door quickly. I entered and instead of going up to her playroom, we sat in the lounge.  
**"She knows about it."** I told her.  
Elena nodded and chewed her thumbnail, **"Have you asked her or said anything?"**  
**"I lied. Told her it was a room with boxes and pointless shit."**  
**"You have to tell her."  
"I don't want to be like that with her though."** I told her. I didn't. I loved Ana. I really fucking did. And I knew I had to stop running to Elena, I knew I had to stop fucking her. I knew it.  
**"You want pure...passionate and real love?"** Elena rolled her eyes, **"If you really wanted that, you wouldn't be here every other night. You wouldn't be fucking me the way you wish you could fuck her."**  
She was right. Entirely right. But I couldn't stop. I was addicted. I was addicted to Elena.  
I stayed silent, watching the fire. She sighed and came over to me, sat on my knee and kissed me.  
I let her. I had no choice. I was a dick.  
**"You know you should stop this, Christian." **She mumbled, running her hand through my hair. **"But you can't, can you?"  
**I groaned. She smirked and unbuttoned my shirt, **"Face it Christian, you need me."** She purred, biting my lip. I groaned again.  
I did. I needed her like I needed fucking air.

I looked back to her naked frame and smirked. She was beautiful.  
Her eyes were closed and she was breathing peacefully. I kissed her forehead softly and pulled on my jeans. I had to leave.  
It had just gone 5am and I had to be at the office soon. I pulled my shirt on and quickly buttoned it before I did 'the walk of shame' and left in my car.  
12pm  
I checked my cell and frowned. No calls or texts from Ana. Was she okay?  
I pressed 'call' and held the phone to my ear. It went straight to voicemail. What the fuck?  
I leaned back in my chair and sighed deeply, rubbing my forehead.  
Standing, I grabbed my cell and keys.  
The door opened and I turned.  
Elena.  
She was crying.  
I frowned and walked over to her, taking her hand and leading her to the seats by the window, **"Elena...what's wrong?"** I whispered.  
She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself, **"I'm pregnant."**


	12. Chapter 12

_"You don't want me, no _  
_You don't need me _  
_Like I want you, oh_  
_Like I need you _  
_And I want you in my life _  
_And I need you in my life." _**- "You" : The Pretty Reckless. **

_**Christian**_

I stared, wide eyed at her. She stared back, her eyes rimmed red and watery.  
She was pregnant? I closed my eyes and shook my head. I couldn't believe this.  
I opened my eyes, **"Who's is it?" **I asked, I had finally found my voice.  
**"Yours...I think." **She replied.  
**"You think?!"** I growled, stood and in my rage flipped over the table that was between us.  
She flinched back and sobbed harder.  
I closed my eyes and pinched my nose, trying to calm myself. I walked over to her and kneeled down beside the chair, looking her in the eye, **"You're going to terminate it."** I told her, **"You're going to get rid of it." **I wasn't ready for this.  
She shook her head and looked down at me, **"You know I can't do that. I don't want to get rid of the baby." **She whispered, looking away.  
I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me, **"You'll do what I tell you. You're going to get rid of the child and we're never going to mention this again. Okay?"**  
She nodded quickly and I released her chin.  
I stood up and walked over to the window, **"Fuck!" **I cursed, gripping my hair. This was all so fucked up.  
**"I'm sorry." **She repeated.  
**"Don't."** I muttered, turning round to face her, **"Don't even say a word."**  
She looked down and wiped her eyes. I felt no sympathy. **"Get the fuck out of my office."**

-  
I grabbed a beer from the fridge and settled back into the couch. My head was still spinning from Elena's earlier confession.  
How could this have happened? I always used protection! Always.  
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I still hadn't heard from Ana. But that wasn't number one on my priority list right now.  
I knew what I wanted. I knew what I had to do. But it was never that fucking easy. I always ran back to Elena, no matter what.  
I hated myself for it. I felt ashamed. Disgusted. What had I become?  
Mrs Jones was finishing up in the kitchen when I returned for another beer. She smiled kindly at me, I returned the smile and watched her go to her room.  
How the fuck could she be pregnant? Wasn't she supposed to be on the pill too?

I drove her to the clinic in silence.  
She stared out of the window while I mentally kicked myself for being so fucking stupid.  
**"I'll wait in the car." **I told her as I parked outside the surgery.  
She nodded and unbuckled her seatbelt, **"I won't be long."** She mumbled. She was only making an appointment.  
I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. This had to be fixed. I had to be fixed. I didn't know who I was anymore.  
Within ten minutes she was back in the car, buckling her seatbelt.  
**"When is it?"** I asked coldly.  
She looked at me, **"In two weeks. the 18th."** She replied.  
I nodded and began to drive, **"I'll take you. And then we're finished, do you hear me? I want nothing more to do with you. No more phonecalls, no more meetings, no more fucking." **I spat through clenched teeth. **"Understand?"**  
She nodded and glanced out of the window, **"Are you going to tell Ana?"**  
I shook my head, **"She doesn't need to know."**  
**"You say we're finished Christian...but you always run back to me. You know that."** She told me quietly.  
My jaw clenched. **"I love Ana. I already told you, we're through. My future is with Ana. I know that now."**

-  
I leaned against the doorframe, a small smile on my lips as I watched her pour coffee for us. She sat them on the breakfast bar and smiled at me. I walked over to her, wrapped my arms around her and kissed her deeply. She smiled, **"What was that for?"** She whispered.  
I smirked, **"Can't I kiss the woman I love without having a reason?"** I chuckled.  
She kissed me and nodded, **"Yes. You can." **  
God, I fucking loved her.  
I sat at the breakfast bar, with her on my lap as we drank coffee and kissed.  
**"Kate's never home."** She whispered softly.  
I sighed and rubbed her back gently, **"She's always with Elliot, right?"  
**She nodded.  
**"At least she's having fun, right?" **I smiled and kissed her nose, **"I wouldn't worry too much about it."**  
I couldn't give a shit about Kate. I never did, so why start now?  
**"I'm going to my parents' house next week for Ray's birthday." **She told me, looking up at me. **"Do you want to** come?"  
I smiled, **"I'd love to. What date?"** I asked.  
**"The eighteenth."** She replied.  
Shit. **"Um...I have a work thing that day." **I lied. Her face fell.  
**"But, after it, I'll make my own way and meet you there?"**I offered. She nodded and smiled, kissed me softly and rested her forehead on mine. Even when I had vowed I was through with Elena, I was still fucking lying to my precious Ana.

I parked outside the surgery and glanced at Elena, **"Ready?"** I muttered.  
She looked down and shook her head, **"I don't want to do this, Christian. Please, don't make me do this." **Her eyes met mine and they were full of unshed tears.  
I sighed and looked away from her, **"I already told you, you have to do this."  
"But why?!"** She sobbed, wiping her eyes.  
I gritted my teeth and glared at her, **"Because you done this! You fucked up! You're supposed to be on the fucking pill, Elena!"  
"I forgot to take it!"** She hissed through her tears.  
I looked away. I couldn't take this.  
**"Please don't make me do this." **She begged.  
I pinched my nose and exhaled. Did I have a choice? Either way this was going to haunt me. Either way, she'd make me feel guitly.  
**"Fine. Keep the baby. But I'm telling you right now Elena, I want fuck all to do with it."  
**She sniffed and wiped her eyes, **"You won't." **She agreed.  
Good.  
After I dropped her back home, I went back to my office. I had to do some fucking work.  
Three hours later, I found myself staring at the wall. I had finished the bottle of whiskey I had sitting in the cupboard. My eyes were heavy.  
I knew I had somewhere to be. With Ana. At her parents' house.  
I grabbed my keys and went out to my car. I had promised her.  
And I kept my promises.  
Sometimes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Many of you have been asking the age of Elena. She's in her late 40's and Christian is in his late 20's.  
And yes, people can have babies at that age.  
Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)**

* * *

_"And now all your love is wasted_  
_Then who the hell was I?_  
_'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches_  
_And at the end of all your lines_  
_Who will love you?_  
_Who will fight?_  
_Who will fall far behind?  
Come on skinny love."_** - "Skinny Love" : Bon Iver. **

_**Ana**_

I sat in the middle of my bed, in my old room, and stared at the clock. 1am.  
Where was he? He told me he'd be here after work. He didn't show.  
I grabbed my phone and tried his cell. No answer. I frowned and lay down.  
Maybe he'd come in the morning...

The morning came and went.  
It was two in the afternoon and still no Christian.  
I sat in the lounge with my mom and Ray. They were watching re-runs of Catchphrase and talking about his upcoming birthday. I tired to be enthusiastic, but he wasn't here. And he promised.  
**"Maybe he's still caught up in work."** My mom told me softly as she peeled the potatoes for the dinner.  
I drank from my very large glass of wine and shrugged, **"He would have called."** I answered simply.  
She placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled. She knew. She understood. He wouldn't be coming.  
After dinner, I went up to my room. I undressed and wrapped a towel around me before going to the bathroom. A shower always made me feel better.  
I sat under the cascade of water and closed my eyes. The steam was rising, clouding the mirror, but I didn't care.  
It felt like I was only in there for ten minutes but when I emerged and returned to my room, I found that it was midnight. I was in there for an hour and thirty minutes. But I didn't care. I didn't really care about anything right now.  
I put my pyjamas on and climbed into bed. I checked my cell. Nothing. I tried calling him again. Nothing.  
My eyes stung with tears. Tears he didn't deserve. I turned my cell off and put it under my pillow.  
Work. Always work.  
And then I realised.  
Work.  
Not showing.  
Work. Work. Work.  
Mrs fucking Lincoln.

**_Kate_**

I cuddled into Elliot's side and smiled. He had just put the movie on. '10 Things I Hate About You', one of my favourites.  
**"I'm warning you...I may fall asleep during this." **He teased.  
I laughed and made myself more comfortable as the movie began.  
I was glad I had him. I was glad I had kicked that little prick to the curb. And now Ana has my sloppy seconds.  
Ana. My 'bestfriend'. We kept secrets from each other. Secrets of our affairs. I felt horrible about it. Not being honest with her about Elliot, but she lied too. I mean, I was happy she had found someone. I just wished it wasn't Christian.  
It had just got to the bit where Heath Ledger's character is singing to Julia Stiles' character, when the phone rang.  
Elliot sighed and answered it, **"Hello?"** He muttered. He immediatly straightened up. I moved away from him and watched him carefully.  
**"Is he okay? What happened?"** A pause.  
**"Is mom there? Mia too?"** Another pause. I frowned. What was going on?  
**"Yeah..I'm with Kate." **Again, another pause, **"No, Ana is at her parents."**  
He hung up then and stood quickly.  
**"What's going on?" **I asked.  
He grabbed his jacket from the chair and looked at me, **"It's Christian."** He muttered.  
I stood also, **"What about him?"**  
He put his jacket on and grabbed his keys before grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him, **"He's been in a car accident."**

"Kate."

His mom hugged me. We sat in the family waiting room, waiting for something, anything.  
**"Any news?" **Elliot asked, kissing his mom's cheek. She shook her head and sat down with a cup of coffee.  
I sighed. I felt bad for the family. But I didn't feel bad for Christian.  
**"The doctors say he..." **His mother trailed off, shaking her head.  
**"There's some internal bleeding."** His father finished, sighing.  
Elliot narrowed his eyes, **"How did it even fucking happen?"** He demanded.  
**"He was drinking. Stupid little fucker."** His dad replied.  
**"Carrick.."**  
**"I'm sorry Grace, but how stupid could he be? I'm not bailing his ass out this time."** He growled.  
I stayed silent. Elliot's father was a lawyer. A good one apparently. And his mother was a doctor. A good one apparently.  
**"Has...has anyone told Ana?"** I asked quietly.  
Grace's eyes fell on me, **"She still doesn't know?"** She whispered.  
I shook my head, **"I'll call her. It's fine." **I stood up and left the room. The tension in there was too much anyway.  
I left the ward and dialed her number. Voicemail.  
Didn't anyone know how to answer their fucking phones?  
I dialed her parents' number, I didn't care what time it was. I had to get Ana.  
Ray answered, his hoarse voice came through, **"Hello?"**  
**"Ray, it's Kate. Sorry it's so late but I need to talk to Ana. It's...it's about Christian."  
**There was a muffled noise and in less than a few minutes Ana was on, **"What is it, Kate?"** She didn't sound too happy. Maybe it's because I woke her.  
**"You need to get back home now."** I told her, **"There's been an accident. Christian..he's...he's in hospital."**

I returned to the waiting room. Everyone seemed a lot calmer. Everyone except Carrick.  
I sat by Elliot and leaned back in the seat. Carrick was on the phone to someone, his voice was low and angry, **"I don't give a fuck about it!"** He hissed.  
His wife sighed and rolled her eyes, **"He's talking to his laywer friends."** She muttered, shaking her head. I smiled sympathetically. There was nothing I could say.  
**"Did you get hold of Ana?"** She asked.  
I nodded, **"She's on her way. She shouldn't be too long..a few hours maybe."** I muttered.  
Grace smiled and went back to watching her husband. Elliot put his arm around me and kissed my head, **"Thank you for being here." **He whispered.  
I didn't have a fucking choice. I simply smiled again and leaned my head on his shoulder, **"I hope he's okay."** I whispered. And then I realised. Where the hell was Mia?  
**"Where's Mia?"** I asked quietly.  
Grace sighed, **"She left..she couldn't stay here."** She told me.  
I frowned. Elliot smiled, **"She doesn't like hospitals."**He explained to me. I nodded and closed my eyes. I was tired. I didn't even want to be here.

**"Where is he?" **I heard someone ask. They were panicing. I groaned and opened my eyes, the light hurt them.  
My vision adjusted and I could see Ana, beside Grace. I sat up and yawned.  
**"He's in surgery...they're trying to stop the bleeding."** Grace replied.  
**"Is there any news?"** I croaked. They turned to look at me. Grace shook her head.  
Elliot and Carrick had disappeared and I was left. With them.  
**"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I didn't know." **Ana whispered, wiping her eyes. Grace hugged her and sighed, **"It's not your fault."**

_**Ana**_

I sat there. My eyes burned and itched but I didn't dare close them. I didn't dare go to sleep. I had to stay awake.  
Kate had left to go home, shower and change. Elliot had returned with coffee, but I didn't want it.  
I should have known something was wrong. I should have cared a little more. I shouldn't have even thought about Mrs Lincoln.  
I yawned and leaned back in the seat. Grace was sleeping soundly next to me and Elliot was watching the clock.  
There was a gentle knock at the door. I tapped Grace gently, waking her as the doctor entered.  
**"Is he okay? What's happening?"** Grace sat up and ran a hand through her tousled hair.  
**"Dr Grey.."** The doctor began, **"We managed to stop the bleeding."**  
A sigh of relief from the three of us filled the room.  
**"But the surgeons are not finished. The xray showed a depressed skull fracture...we need to lift the bone from the brain." **The doctor sighed.  
Grace placed a hand over her mouth, **"Okay.."** She didn't know what to say. The doctor left.  
I turned to Grace, **"What does that mean?"** I asked quietly.  
She turned to me and cleared her throat, **"If it's successfull, he'll be okay."**  
**"And if it's not?"**  
She looked away from me.  
I choked back a sob. I knew the answer to that.

-  
I still hadn't had any sleep.  
The room had filled. Grace, Carrick, Elliot, Kate, Mia. And me.  
I sat by the window and stared at the rain falling.  
Grace was crying. Mia was crying. The angels were crying.  
I was numb. I couldn't cry. My eyes were dry. Carrick and Elliot were silent, their heads in their hands. Kate stared at the floor. She didn't want to be here. That was obvious. She didn't care. She didn't have to pretend anymore though.  
**"Remember that time we all went to Green Lake and had a picnic?" **Mia whispered to her family, smiling at the fond memory through her tears, **"Christian thought it would be funny to jump in..."  
**Grace smiled and shook her head, **"We almost lost him then." **  
The word 'almost' hung in the air.


	14. Chapter 14

_**"**"In the dark, we're all the same _  
_We only seem alone _  
_There's a place where we all must hide_  
_There's a place that we lock from the inside _  
_When it's over everything we ever were _  
_And everything we are _  
_We will heal as the days roll by_  
_Cause in the end it's you and I." _**- "Threadbare" : Stone Sour.**

**_Christian_**

I felt her hand squeeze mine. I didn't respond. I couldn't.  
Voices. I heard voices. My mom and someone else.  
_**"They said he's going to be okay..he just needs to**__**rest."**_My mom told her quietly.  
Her hand squeezed mine again. _**"Good. I was so**__**worried."**_  
Elena. Why the fuck was she here? I wanted to rip my hand from hers. But I couldn't.  
_**"Where's Ana?"**_She had the nerve to ask.  
_**"She was here...she's back at her parents. I told her to go and enjoy Ray's party."**_  
Shit. Ray's party. Ana must hate me. I promised her. I never showed. I was too careless.  
My father. He'd be disappointed. Very disappointed. I had to make some changes. I had to make them if I wanted to be with Ana.  
**_"Christian? Please..open your eyes."_**Her again. I didn't want her. I wanted my girl. My sweet Ana.  
I remembered. She was carrying my child. I didn't want it. I didn't want her.  
She kissed my hand and I felt the strength come back to me. I fucking felt it.  
I moved my finger slightly and my eyelids flickered.  
**_"Grace!"_**She stood up, her hand still in mine and looked behind her for my mother.  
My mother came into view. She blurred. They blurred into one and other and I shut my eyes again. I turned my head and dropped my hand from hers. I didn't want her. I didn't.  
**"Christian? Open your eyes again..."** My mother asked. I obeyed. She kissed my forehead and breathed a sigh of relief.  
**"We were so worried about you."** Elena told me. I turned. I glared. Her mouth closed.  
**"Ana."** I whispered. My voice was hoarse. My throat was sore.  
**"She's..."** My mom stopped, **"I'll call her." **She kissed my forehead again and left. Leaving me with the bitch.  
I tried to speak. To tell her to fuck off. But I couldn't form the words.  
She smiled at me and kissed my hand. My stomach turned.  
**"What kind of a girlfriend leaves you when you're suffering like this?"** She whispered, **"Ana...she's..." **She shook her head, **"You don't deserve her."**  
I looked away from her and slowly shook my head, **"Fuck...off." **I croaked.

I opened my eyes and everyone was there.  
My mom. My dad. Elliot. Mia. Kate.  
And Ana.  
She sat beside my, holding my hand. The same hand Elena had held earlier.  
**"You're such an idiot."** Ana mumbled. She had been crying. My heart twisted in anguish. I felt like an idiot. I hated myself for this. I hated myself for most things I had done to her.  
**"You have to stay in the hospital for a few more days." **My mom told me. She arranged flowers on the table by the bed and smiled at her work.  
I nodded. My head felt light. Empty. I felt drugged up. I glanced at the IV in my arm and sighed.  
Mia stared at me. Well, rather, she glared at me.  
**"Get it out." **I whispered.  
**"How could you be so stupid? How could drink and then get in a car? Did you think you were invinsible or some shit? You could have died, Christian!" **She fell quiet. We all did. Ana stared down at the floor. She felt the same. They all did.  
**"I'm sorry." **I whispered. What else could I say?

-  
I lay on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. I hated this. I hated being looked after. I wasn't a child.  
Ana walked over, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. She kneeled by the couch and smiled, **"Mrs Jones is making dinner for you."** She whispered.  
She hadn't been able to properly look at me since the accident.  
I nodded and looked back to the ceiling. **"You should go." **I told her.  
She sat the mug of hot chocolate on the table and frowned, **"Um...okay."  
**I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt useless. I hated 'taking it easy'. I was fine. I felt fine.  
I sat up and titled her head up so I could look at her properly. **"I'll call you." **I told her. I kissed her once and then stood, making my way to the kitchen for food.

Things were different between Ana and I.  
We didn't act like a couple behind closed doors.  
Two weeks since the accident. Two fucking weeks.  
I was at her house. Kate was home. For once. We were sitting in the lounge watching some shitty film.  
My arm was around her, but I didn't feel content. Everything was eating me up inside. The affair. Elena. The baby.  
I fidgeted yet again and ignored her frustrated sigh.  
**"What is wrong with you?"** She demanded. She muted the tv and moved away from me.  
**"What the fuck do you think is wrong with me?"** I snapped. She closed her mouth and leaned back from my icy tone. I scared her.  
**"You don't have to shout.."** She whispered. She got up and walked into her room. I followed.  
**"Now look who's got the problem." **I seethed.  
She turned to me and narrowed her eyes, **"Don't start, Christian." **  
I ignored her pathetic plea and moved closer to her, she backed away. **"Stop fucking moving away from me!" **I shouted. Her back hit the wall.  
Her breathing was heavier. I could taste the fear from her in the air. She didn't look at me. Her eyes were cast down, toward the floor.  
My fist hit the wall by her head and she screamed. **"Look at me!"** I grabbed her chin and ignored the tears falling from her blue eyes.  
The door swung open, **"Get the fuck away from her." **Kate growled.  
Ana tried to shake her head, **"Kate...it's okay." **She choked out.  
I didn't loosen my grip. Not even when Ana stared back at me, matching my anger. **  
"Ana..." **Kate tried to talk sense but Ana wouldn't listen.  
Eventually she left. I released her and turned my back on her.  
I heard her slump to the floor in breathless tears.  
I was a dick. Such a fucking dick.

I threw the crystal vase at the wall, breathing deeply as it smashed and crumbled to the floor.  
I couldn't explain the anger bubbling inside me. Maybe it was because I finally released how much of a fucker I was. Maybe it was because of Elena. Maybe it was because I loved Ana so much it fucking hurt. Maybe it was all three.  
**"Shit."** I hissed, gripping my hair.  
Mrs Jones rushed out and gasped when she saw what I had done. **"Mr Grey...?"** She was looking for answers.  
I waved her off, **"It's nothing.."** I muttered. I turned on my heel and walked away, retreating to my bedroom.  
I shut the door behind me and exhaled deeply. My eyes fell on Ana's dress laying on my bed. I closed my eyes and cursed.  
I pushed myself from the door and walked over to it. Kneeling, I took it in my hands and held it up to my nose. It smelled just like her.  
Looking up, my eyes fell on more things belonging to Ana. I choked back a broken sob and dropped the dress to the floor.  
Maybe it was time to let her go.


	15. Chapter 15

_"I'm not calling you a liar, _  
_Just don't lie to me. _  
_I'm not calling you a thief, _  
_Just don't steal from me, _  
_I'm not calling you a ghost, _  
_Just stop haunting me, _  
_And I love you so much, _  
_I'm gonna let you, _  
_Kill me." _**- "I'm Not Calling You A Liar" : Florence & The Machine. **

**_Christian_**

I sat back in my seat and stared at the clock. It was one in the afternoon. I was growing impatient.  
She told me she'd be here. She told me she'd come over. She told me everything was okay. We'd be fine.  
She was a liar just like me. We were both lying.  
A small knock at the door caused me to jump up. She was here.  
**"Hi."** I mumbled as I opened the door for her. She came in, nodding at me. She was still scared.  
**"Hi."** She replied quietly. She sat her coat on the back of the couch and turned to me.  
She was waiting on it. **"I'm sorry." **I told her. I approached her and sighed, **"I...I have no excuses for what I did to you." **I whispered.  
I raised my hand and gently traced the small bruise under her eye. She didn't flinch or move away from me. Tears pooled in her eyes and I hated myself. **"I'm sorry."** My whisper was pained as I repeated myself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  
Ana was hurt because of me. Emotionally and physically.  
It had been three days since I last saw her. I went to hers to talk, to maybe end things. I couldn't stay with her, not until I got my shit sorted. I never did manage to tell her how I felt. It ended up in an arguement. A fight. I hit her. My fist hit her.  
**"Why are you doing this to me?"** She sobbed, moving from me. She walked around the living room and tried to stop crying, but it was useless.  
I looked down at the floor. I couldn't answer. I didn't want to.  
**"Answer me!" **She spat through her tears.  
I looked up and ran a hand through my hair, **"I don't know alright?! I don't fucking know!"**  
She stopped pacing. She stared at me. Tears rolled more quickly down her flushed cheeks, **"You don't know?"** She whispered.  
**"No! I don't Ana. I don't know, because I can't even understand the shit that goes through my head. I can't fucking think anymore." **I shook my head and leaned against the wall. I sighed.  
**"What the fuck is going on with you, Christian?"** She demanded, walking towards me.  
No. Stay away.  
I had to come clean. I had to. I had to stop lying to her and decieving her. I had to stop lying to myself.  
**"Elena..."** I whispered, watching her frown. **"Mrs Lincoln." **She'd know her by that name.  
Ana closed her eyes and shook her head, **"What about her?" **She spoke through clenched teeth.  
I pushed myself off the wall and looked away from her, **"She's pregnant..."** I breathed, **"With my child."**  
Her hand moved to over her mouth and she choked back a sob. **"I'm gonna be sick." **She choked before she ran to the bathroom.  
I rubbed my forehead and followed her. She had to know. I had to let it out, I had to tell her.  
She leaned over the sink, dry heaving. I sighed and walked over to her, **"Ana.."** I whispered.  
She pushed me away, **"Don't fucking touch me!" **She hissed. **"Her? Again? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" **She cried. She could hardly breathe from crying.  
What was wrong with me?

**_Ana_**

Days melted into nights.  
I had never felt so alone.  
I had never felt so stupid.  
It had been two weeks since Christian broke the news to me. I hadn't seen or spoke to him since. I wasn't sure if I wanted to.  
Mrs Lincoln. Even her name made my stomach twist. Christian and her together made me sick. And knowing that he fucked me after fucking her made it even worse. He knocked her up. She was carrying his child. Was he even planning on telling me? Or did he just tell me because we were fighting?  
I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow. It still faintly smelled of him. I hated that.  
There was a small knock at my door and I sat up. Kate entered and smiled, **"Hey." **She sat a cup of tea by my bed and sat beside me. She hugged me.  
I rested my head on her shoulder and sighed.  
**"Come on. Go for a shower, get dressed." **She ordered.  
I frowned, **"Why?"  
"We're going out. And I'm not taking no for an answer."**

We drank a lot. Kate, Elliot and I. I didn't feel like a third wheel.  
For the first time in God knows how long, I felt free.  
I danced with Kate and took shots. I laughed. Actually laughed. I didn't care about the other people judging Kate and I. We were happy.  
I sat at the bar, ordering another round when I noticed him. He smiled at me. I smiled back.  
He stood up and made his way over to me. He leaned against the bar and smirked, **"Hi."**  
**"Hi."** I replied.  
**"I'm Jack."** He extended his hand and I took it to shake. Instead, he pulled me closer, **"You look sensational."** He whispered into my ear.  
His voice sent tingles down my spine.


	16. Chapter 16

**Guys, just to clear up a few things ; Christian did NOT strangle Ana  
Elena CAN get pregnant, she's not that old!  
AND I've changed Jack's traits. He's not what he was in the book.  
Anyway, thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!**

* * *

_"You never said, you never said, you never said  
That it would be this hard  
Love is meant to be forever  
Now or never seems to discard  
There's gotta be a better way for me to say  
What's on my heart without leaving scars  
So can you hear me, when I call your name?" _**- "Call Your Name" : Daughtry.**

_**Christian**_

I hadn't heard from Ana in almost a month.  
No calls. No texts. No nothing. I had debated whether or not to ask Elliot how she was, but I decided against it. Kate still hated me for what happened. Luckily, Kate promised to keep it to herself. The hitting. The baby. Everything.  
I hadn't slept well since the night Ana walked out. My guilt was finally catching up with me.  
I wanted to end everything. My life. Elena's life. Ana's life.  
I was wrong to ever have cheated. To ever have lied. To ever have betrayed her trust. I couldn't change any of that now. I fucked up and I was paying for it.  
Mrs Jones sat a mug of coffee infront of me and smiled kindly. I sighed and took a mouthful. It burned my throat, but it was satisfying.  
My ribs still hurt from the accident and I had a small scar above my left eyebrow, barely noticeable. My mom called me every two days, checked to see if I was still breathing. It was starting to get annoying.  
I finished off my coffee and left the kitchen.  
I made my way to my office and sighed deeply. Life was so fucking boring with her.  
Sitting by the window, I glanced outside and frowned. It was snowing. I hated snow. I wasn't particularly fond of this time of year. Thanksgiving. Christmas. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.  
I leaned back in my desk chair and scrolled through the contacts on my phone. I stopped at Ana. Should I call her? Should I grovel?  
When you play with fire, you get burned. And I was slowly turning into ashes.

**_Ana_**

Jack was a rebound. I knew that and I think he knew too. If he did, he didn't complain. My heart was still beating for Christian.  
As much as I tried to stop fucking loving the asshole, I couldn't.  
**"Okay. So, he just...left you?"** He shook his head at Kate and sighed.  
Kate nodded, **"I know right? He was like 'Uhhh Kate, I have to go. I have to see my mom about something'. His mother wasn't even home!" **She sighed and flopped back against the couch, **"Boys are so fucking over-rated." **She muttered.  
I stayed silent. She was bitching about Elliot and how he ditched her at their last date. I stared at the shoes on Jack's feet and sighed.  
Kate seemed to like him. I liked him, but there was something about him. I didn't know what it was but I felt like I couldn't be myself around him. I felt like if I were to be myself he wouldn't like it.  
His arm snaked around my shoulders and he pulled me closer to him. I smiled and cuddled into him. He was so warm.  
Kate stood and stretched, **"I'm going to bed. Later."** She mumbled.  
We wished her goodnight before we turned our attention back to the television.  
**"Do you want to stay tonight?"** I asked him quietly.  
He kissed the top of my head and smiled. Just like he used to do. Just like Christian. A lump formed in my throat.  
**"If you want me to."** He whispered, hugging me tighter.  
I forced a smile and looked up at him, **"Of course I do."**  
He smiled and leaned down. He kissed me softly and rested his forehead against mine, **"I'm crazy about you, Ana." **He whispered.  
Oh crap. Oh sweet fucking Christ.

-  
I sat at the small round table with Kate and watched her dilapidate a breakfast muffin.  
**"Ana, you have to eat something."** She mumbled, her mouth was half full of muffin.  
I shook my head and took a sip of my tea, **"I'm not hungry." **I told her quietly. She didn't believe it. I knew she wouldn't.  
**"You've been saying that ever since you broke up with that dick head."**  
I looked down. I didn't want to go into this. I didn't want to relive any of that.  
**"Ana, you ate three spoonfulls of my soup last night. Normally...normally you'd have finished the whole pot!" **She sighed deeply and took a large mouthful of her orange juice, **"All I'm saying is, you shouldn't torture yourself over something he did. None of this is your fault." **  
**"Can we please change the subject?"** I snapped. Her eyes widened slightly and she nodded quickly. Thank fuck.  
I missed him. I actually missed the fucker.  
I tried not to think too much about the reason we broke up. Her. Mrs fucking Lincoln. The cougar. The perfect Mrs Robinson.  
A shiver ran down my spine and the thought of the two of them together. She ruined our friendship when we were younger and now she had succeeded in ruining our relationship. That fucking bitch.  
He was going to be a father. A father to a baby that was conceived through lies and cheating and scandal.  
My stomach twisted. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to dwell on what could have been.  
**"Elliot wants to take me out tonight." **Kate told me. I opened my eyes, she had finished her muffin and was now chewing on a piece of toast.  
I smiled, **"You should go."**I replied. I tried to sound enthusiastic but I think it failed.

-  
_"Gentle reader, may you never feel what I then felt! May your eyes never shed such stormy, scalding, heart-wrung tears as poured from mine. May you never appeal to Heaven in prayers so hopeless and so agised as in that hour left my lips: for never may you, like me, dread to be the instrument of evil to what you wholly love." - Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre_

I sat my book down and wiped my eyes. I had to stop torturing myself, like Kate said. But it was hard. So fucking hard.  
I climbed out of bed and yawned as I made my way into the kitchen for a glass of water.  
It was 2am. I was exhausted.  
After my glass of water, I returned to bed and buried my face into his pillow. The smell of him had faded, but it still brought me comfort.  
I knew I had done the right thing, breaking it off with Christian. I had my morals. I couldn't trust him anymore. But that didn't stop me from loving him. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**_Jack_**

I wasn't even remotely interested in her. Not in the slightlest. She was an easy ride. A one way ticket to destroying Christian Grey's life.  
I sat by the window and swirled the whiskey around in my glass. A small smirk played on my features and I couldn't help but chuckle a little.  
He had stolen the only good thing in my life. So I was going to steal the only good thing in his.


	17. Chapter 17

_"Liar liar, don't cry on my shoulder_  
_You played with fire _  
_And smiled when you told her _  
_Oh, oh, thought you were someone _  
_Oh, oh goodbye to no one." _**"Liar Liar" : Christina Grimmie. **

**_Elena_**

It had been a two months. Two horrible wretched months and I couldn't keep the guilt from eating me up. It built up and built up to the point where I couldn't take any more.  
I wanted him to suffer, like I did. To feel pain, like I did.  
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Air filled my lungs and it was painful. I was a bitch, a horrible woman. I couldn't take back what I had done.

**_"I thought I told you I didn't want to see you."_**_ He looked horrible. Tired. Lonely.  
I stood in the doorway and nodded, __**"I know..I just had to see you."**__ I whispered.  
He sighed and let me in. I walked through into the lounge and turned to face him. He glanced at me, __**"What do you want?"**__ He asked.  
I hadn't failed to notice the empty scotch bottle and the glass. My eyes started to fill with tears, __**"I lied to you." **__I whispered.  
His eyes narrowed. He knew what I was talking about.  
__**"I'm not pregnant..I..I just.." **I had no explanation.  
His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. I looked down, **"I didn't want you to leave me..you had Ana, and what did I have?"** I wiped my eyes and shook my head, **"Jack was never there for me. He was always working...or doing stuff that didn't involve me."**  
He didn't speak. He barely moved. I didn't want to speak again, for fear of what he might do.  
**"I hope you realise.."** He spoke quietly, menacingly, **"That I have lost Ana because of you."**  
I nodded and walked over to him. He moved back, his hands up. **"Christian, I'm sorry. Please."** I reached for him but he pushed me away.  
**"Get the fuck out of my house."** He growled.  
I didn't want to end things like this. I didn't want to carry around anymore guilt. I just wanted to forget about this. But it was easier said than done. I had broken four hearts because of my lie. I was a horrible person._

**_Ana_**

I crawled into his bed and cuddled into his side. He was so very warm. He put his arm around me and held me close. I smiled and he kissed my forehead.  
I ran my hand down his stomach and stopped shy of his boxers. He chuckled and kissed my forehead again. I bit my lip and smiled.  
This was almost perfect. Almost. He wasn't Christian.  
He had called me last night. I hadn't told Kate or Jack. I didn't want to.  
_**  
"Ana."** His voice was hoarse, tired.  
I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of love and delight. But it was wrong. He had hurt me in every possible way.  
**"What do you want?"** I demanded quietly. I wanted to speak to him but I didn't want to put my heart through the torture.  
**"It's...Elena isn't pregnant."** He confessed.  
My stomach flipped and I wanted to be sick, **"You lied to me?"** I guess I wasn't surprised.  
**"No! No, she lied to me, Ana."** He whispered. His voice was sad, lonely. I wanted to scream at him for hurting me. I wanted to end the call and curl into a ball and cry. But I didn't.  
**"That doesn't change anything Christian." **I whispered, **"You cheated on me with her. You...lied to me and hurt me and hit me. You're wrong for me."** I would have believed it myself if my voice didn't waver._

The next morning I sat at the breakfast bar with coffee and toast. Jack had just left and Kate was in the shower. Elliot sat across from me, watching me.  
**"He misses you, you know."** He mumbled.  
I sighed and placed my coffee mug on the counter, **"I know."** I replied quiely. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that his heart was still mine.  
Elliot smirked, **"Look, Ana...I know what happened between you and him. Believe me, I was...shocked."** He shook his head, **"My parents still don't know though." **  
I looked down at the floor. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to get into this situation again. Didn't anyone know how to leave it the fuck alone? It had been two months!  
**"Elliot, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not going to work."** I muttered. I poured my coffee down the drain and walked out.  
Shower time.

Jack had been acting strangely. He was distant. Moody.  
He stopped cuddling me at night. He stopped kissing my forehead. I didn't know what was wrong. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know.  
**"Shut up, Ana." **He muttered one night at dinner. I had been talking about work and my family. What did I do wrong?  
I glanced up at him, **"Is everything okay?"** I asked quietly. He seemed so annoyed.  
**"I'm fine." **He snapped and checked his watch. Was I fucking boring him?  
I moved my food around my plate and sighed. I missed being able to talk to him, to share things. He had suddenly changed.  
The whole situation was familiar.  
**"Are you sure?"** I just wanted to make sure. Which was a bad idea.  
He glared at me, **"No I'm not okay, Ana."** He growled. He took a large gulp of his beer and sat it back onto the table, **"I just want to get to that little fucker."** He muttered to himself, **"Elena."** He shook his head vigorously.  
Elena. Elena.  
Mrs Lincoln.  
**"How..how do you know Mrs Lincoln?"** I whispered., my stomach was in fucking knots.  
He looked up and smirked, **"She was my girlfriend...and your little fuckwit boyfriend, oh I'm sorry _ex _boyfriend, stole her from** **me."**  
Oh that's just fucking great.


	18. Chapter 18

_"You're screwed up, you're brilliant, _  
_You look like a million dollar man, _  
_So why is my heart broke? _  
_You got that world baby I reprise _  
_Something so strange, and it's hard to define_  
_It isn't that hard boy, to like you or love you _  
_I will follow you down down down, _  
_Cause you're unbelievable,_  
_If you're going crazy just grab me and take me." _**"Million Dollar Man" : Lana Del Rey**

**Ana**

_If I was to reach out, just simply reach out and touch him, my life would be over. Love would have no meaning and I would be right back where I started. I didn't want that to happen.  
He called out for me, his sweet voice sang to me. It travelled through the air between us and graced my ears with his bittersweet voice.  
__**"Ana."**__ It sent shivers down my spine. I knew. I knew it was a terrible thing. I knew it was wrong what I was thinking. People would be disappointed in me. It was a vicious fucking circle and I hated it. Was I to forget everything that had happened? Was it that easy?  
My eyes closed and I took a deep breath. It was wrong of me to run back to him after everything. I had wanted so hard to move on and forget he existed. But he was imprinted on my heart and I was never going to be able to let him go.  
__**"Stay. Please."**__He was behind me, his lips grazing my ear. I couldn't stop the small moan from escaping my lips. I had no fucking willpower when it came to him._

-  
I stared back at Jack. He smirked, he was clearly enjoying himself.  
**"What does this have to do with me?"** My voice was barely audible.  
He cleared his throat and picked up his glass of wine, **"Well my little cupcake..you are going to help me get her back." **  
I frowned, how the fuck was I going to do that? I closed my mouth. I suddenly felt sick. I had been played. His own selfishness and greed was hidden for so long and now I was just getting a glimpse of what he was really like, what he was really capable of.  
**"And if I don't?"** I whispered.  
He chuckled and glanced out of the window, **"I don't think you want to take that chance." **He replied simply.  
What the fuck had I gotten myself into now?

**Christian**

I felt like a child again. I was sat between my mother and father, watching some shitty programme about some shitty family with shitty problems and a shitty job with a shitty pay. I couldn't complain too much about it though, they were there, they were laughing and talking through the programme and they were just being _themselves._  
**"I think it's time we start putting the Christmas decorations up...what do you think, Christian?"** My mom nudged me gently and smiled. It was that time of year again. The time of year that sends everyone into a frenzy, that makes every parent stressed and broke, that makes every house bright with decoration lights, that makes shopping malls turn into Santa's grotto, that makes children's wishes come true, that makes Christmas magic turn into a myth.  
I nodded, **"Sure, why not?" **I had nothing better to do. I hadn't been home in almost a week. It was too empty and lonely without Ana. And my fucking cook decided to take a vacation. Sawyer and Taylor decided they wanted to take some time off, I allowed them to. But if I had have known how much trouble it would have cost me, I never would have fucking bothered.  
Mia skipped down the stairs and leaned against the doorframe of the lounge, **"Can I help?!" **She grinned.  
The three of us nodded, the less work for me, the better.  
Mia smiled at me and then turned to leave, **"I'll get the boxes from the attic." **She called back.  
**"Christian, go help her, will you?" **My dad patted my shoulder and stood up to get another coffee. I sighed and nodded.  
This was going to be a long fucking day.

We all sat in the now decorated lounge and smiled to ourselves. Tinsel and fairy lights were draped over the fireplace, a small crib scene was set up on one of the tables by the window and a large Christmas tree was standing in the corner. Not bad for a days work.  
Elliot stood up, **"I better get going. I've got a date with Kate."** He muttered, checking his watch.  
**"Oh yeah! How's things going with you two?"** My dad smiled. I hated how he always took an interest in Elliot's life. He was the perfect son, the son that could do no wrong.  
Elliot nodded and smiled, **"Good. Really good, actually." **He ran a hand through his hair and checked his watch again, **"Anyway, I better go. Bye!"**  
The door closed behind him and the room fell silent once again.  
That was until my father opened his mouth, **"It's a shame you let Ana go, Christian."**He sighed.  
I clenched my jaw. I didn't want to fucking hear this.  
**"Carrick.**..**" **My mom tried to quieten him but it was no use.  
**"That's you though, Christian. You always have to fuck up the good things in your life, don't you?"** He growled.  
My mom sighed. I tried my best not to respond, not to acknowledge what he had said.  
**"The accident, you had her worried fucking sick, which by the way, you still owe me money for." **Shut the fuck up.  
**"For what!?"** I demanded.  
**"Bailing your ass out. Making sure you didn't go to jail! Did you think that was fucking luck, Christian!? I had to pay them!"** He hissed.  
Mia stayed silent and stared at the floor. My mother shook her head at my father, **"That is enough Carrick!" **She stood up and sighed, **"I'm sick of this! You two always at each other's throats. How do you think this is making me feel? Or Mia? Or Elliot? Hmm?"** She was angry. I rarely saw my mother angry.  
My dad sighed and looked away from me. Fucking prick.

**Ana**

I stared at the ceiling and sighed. I had just made a big fucking mess of my life, hadn't I? How the hell was I supposed to do what Jack wanted?  
Elena was clearly hung up on Christian, and Christian was clearly confused and fucked up and hung up on me. I wanted to runaway. I wanted to bury my head in my pillow and scream. There was only so much a person could take. My heart was breaking day by day. I know, I'm pathetic and stupid and silly and I should just shut the fuck up and get on with my life, but how could I do that when I'm so in love with a screwed up guy? How could I do that when the guy I love hurts me dayly. How could I do that when I keep running back to my memories? How could I do that when I want to run back to him?

I picked up my cell. I knew it was late. Really fucking late, but I couldn't wait any longer.  
I called him. He answered on the first ring.  
**"Ana."** He breathed. Tears stung my eyes. I needed this. I fucking needed this.  
**"I have to see you." **I told him quietly. I had no explanation as to why I called him or why I had to see him. I just had to. My heart had been hurting for too long and I was sick of carrying a dead weight around with me. This had to be done.  
I hung up and shoved my converse onto my feet and grabbed my jacket. I didn't care that I was still in my pyjamas. I called a cab and stood outside waiting for it. It was cold out, I was shivering. But I was sure it would be worth it all.

He opened the door for me and allowed me to come inside. It was so warm. He didn't make any move toward me, nor did I. We stood on opposite ends of the room and stared at each other. And then I began to fucking cry. I couldn't control the heartbreaking sobs ripping through my chest. It was about time they happened. **"Ana." **He came over to me and pulled me to his chest.  
He smelled just like I remembered.


	19. Chapter 19

_"You got that medicine I need,_  
_Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart please. _  
_I don't really wanna know what's good for me. _  
_God's dead, I said 'baby that's alright with me'. _  
_No one's gonna take my soul away, _  
_I'm living like Jim Morrison. _  
_Headed towards a fucked up holiday. _  
_Motel, sprees sprees, and I'm singing_  
_Fuck yeah, give it to me, this is heaven, what I truly want. _  
_It's innocence lost." _**"Gods and Monsters" : Lana Del Rey**

**Ana**

I don't know how long I stayed in his arms, releasing the heartache. It was so bittersweet to be with him again.  
I sniffed and moved away from him. He didn't say a word, he stayed silent and observed me. I pushed my hair from my face and stood, walking to the window. It was a clear night, stars twinkled in the midnight sky. It was a perfect view.  
**"I should go." **I mumbled, I turned to leave, to walk to the door.  
He stood and sighed, **"Please, don't go." **His voice was barely above a whisper.  
I turned to see him, he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were cast down, toward the floor.  
**"This will only end badly. We both know that Christian." **My words broke my fucking heart but it had to be said.  
If I was to reach out, just simply reach out and touch him, my life would be over. Love would have no meaning and I would be right back where I started. I didn't want that to happen. I turned to leave again.  
He called out for me, his sweet voice sang to me. It travelled through the air between us and graced my ears with his bittersweet voice.  
**"Ana."** It sent shivers down my spine. I knew. I knew it was a terrible thing. I knew it was wrong what I was thinking. People would be disappointed in me. It was a vicious fucking circle and I hated it. Was I to forget everything that had happened? Was it that easy?  
My eyes closed and I took a deep breath. It was wrong of me to run back to him after everything. I had wanted so hard to move on and forget he existed. But he was imprinted on my heart and I was never going to be able to let him go.  
**"Stay. Please."**He was behind me, his lips grazing my ear. I couldn't stop the small moan from escaping my lips. I had no fucking willpower when it came to him.

He layed me down gently on his bed and hovered over me. He kissed me once. Softly. Slowly.  
My pale blue sweater was lifted over my head and discared onto the floor. He removed his shirt and our bare skin touched.  
Electric.

**"Ana."** He breathed. It was like fucking music to my delicate ears.  
My mouth opened in a quiet moan, I wasn't capable of speaking.  
Warm, soft kisses were placed along my neck, my shoulder, my chest.  
I could feel him inside of me. I could feel him in my heart, dominating every part of my body and mind.  
I wanted this. I wanted _us._ His fingers threaded through mind as he lifted my arms above my head and moved softly against me.  
I closed my eyes and came undone in the sweet, sweet feeling of him.

-  
I lay awake in his arms, tracing the planes of his chest. He snored lightly beside me, I couldn't help but smile.  
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  
_Jack.  
_I had to tell him about Jack.

The next morning, I sat at the breakfast bar and sipped on my coffee. He hadn't got up yet, I didn't even know if he was awake or not. I looked down and smiled to myself. I was wearing his shirt, it reached my knees, far too big for me.  
**"Hey."** His tired, soft voice made me spin around in my seat.  
I grinned, **"Hi." **  
He looked well rested, happy. I knew it was because of me.

As breakfast dragged on, I knew I had to tell him.  
**"Christian?"** My eyes met his and he frowned.  
**"What?"**  
**"I have to tell you something." **  
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was worried. He thought I thought last night was a mistake, he didn't want to, but he did.  
**"It's about Jack."  
**His jaw clenched, **"What about that fucker?"**

**Kate**

What a fucking mess this was.  
Elliot sat on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table, flicking through the channels on the television. I sighed deeply and began to clean up the kitchen.  
We just had a fight. A fight about fucking Christian. I knew about Elena. I knew what had happened. I was still against the idea of Ana and him being together. She could do so much better. But love was blind. Love was so fucking blind.  
Elliot wanted them to be together. He thought they made a great couple! He was so fucking stupid at times.  
Ana went out last night, didn't bother coming home, didn't bother calling.  
I knew she was with him. Christian, the guy who she had spent endless nights crying about. What happened to Jack?  
I frowned to myself and began to clean the breakfast bar. Jack hadn't even crossed my mind until now. Did that mean they were over? They were over and Ana just ran to Christian? She needed a good kick up the ass and I was more than happy to do it.  
She didn't know how stressed I was, how worried I was. Sometimes, I think she takes my friendship for granted. She never asks how I am or how Elliot and I are going. She's too wrapped up in her own little world, with her own little problems.  
Selfish. That's what she is.  
And I'm not prepared to take it anymore.


	20. Chapter 20

_"A brand new chapter with torn up pages _  
_When the planets align, I can feel the gates opening _  
_To my courage _  
_As I proceed to run my fingers through her hair _  
_And forget everyone who's jaded, _  
_'cause they don't matter _  
_And I don't care _  
_No, 'cause they don't matter _  
_And I don't care." _**"The Night Will Go As Follows" : The Spill Canvas.**

**Christian**

Taylor sighed and shook his head, **"You're making a mistake." **He muttered.  
**"If I wanted your opinion, I'd fucking ask for it."** I snapped.  
Maybe he was right though. Maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I should have just left it, ignored the whole situation.  
Ana's confession had shook me up. He had a hold on her. On the both of us.  
I walked away from Taylor and retreated to my study. I sat down by my desk and put my head in my hands. Sighing deeply.  
Nothing ever went right for Ana and I. It never would.  
I opened the top drawer and lifted my gun. Turning it over in my hand, I smirked.  
I was going to protect her, even if it killed me in the end.

I stood in the middle of my office and stared at the window. I really should be home, falling into my bed and going to sleep. I really should be with Ana. But instead, here I was, torturing myself over different plans.  
I needed something stronger than a mere joint. I raided through my desk drawers until I found it, stashed under a load of paperwork.  
Four quick sniffs and I was done. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I knew within a few hours I'd regret it.

I closed the front door and locked it behind me. 3am. I should have been home hours ago.  
Ana jumped up from the couch, a bag of nerves, **"Why didn't you call to say you'd be late?"** She hugged me, burying her face in my neck.  
I hugged her back, barely, **"Sorry." **Was all I said. She pulled back and looked up at me. I smiled down at her and began to walk in the direction of my room. I then turned, she was still standing there, in the middle of the room watching me.  
**"Are you coming or what?"** I demanded. My question came out sharper than I intended and she looked down, sighing.  
**"I'll be in soon."** She went back to the couch and sat down, she didn't bother looking back at me.  
**"Fine."  
**I undone my tie and draped it over the chair by the dresser before I unbuttoned my shirt. Yawning, I picked up my cell from the table by the bed.  
I had an email from Sawyer.

**_I checked it out, there was nothing of interest. A loose end, there's nothing to worry about, Sir._**

I sighed and placed my cell back onto the table before I dressed for bed. I'd still do more digging. I'd do more digging until I was satisfied.  
I turned off the light and the room was in complete darkness. The bed was empty without my girl. I rolled onto my side and sighed deeply. What was taking her so long? What was she even doing?  
I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I sniffed. I fidgeted. I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did.

-  
**"I'm not staying tonight."** She told me over breakfast. She didn't look me in the eye. Her eyes stayed on her bowl of melon.  
I drank from my coffee mug and just nodded.  
She stood and placed her bowl into the sink and sighed, **"I'm going for a shower."** She muttered coldly.  
I didn't say a word, I watched her leave me.  
What the hell was going on with her? I told her I'd sort out the Jack problem, I promised her we'd be fine. What was there to worry about? I thought maybe this time, we'd be better together, we'd fit. I was wrong.

I shut the car door and shoved my hands in my pockets. I fucking hated snow.  
I fucking hated what I was about to do.  
I slowly approached the door and knocked. I gritted my teeth in the coldness and looked down at the gritty welcome matt. I hated this, I was going against what I had said, but it needed to be done.  
She opened the door and frowned, **"Christian."** She smiled, clearly she was happy to see me.  
I shook my head, **"I'm not here for a social visit, Elena."** I began, **"I need information."  
**She frowned, but let me inside anyway.  
I sat down by the fire and tried to warm myself up.  
**"What kind of information?"** She asked as she sat. She poured tea for herself and offered me a cup but I refused.  
**"I need information on Jack."**  
She frowned, she seemed to be surprised. **"Why Jack? What's he done?"** Her wide eyes scanned mine for something relevant, something to help her understand.  
**"I just need you to help me, okay? Don't ask me why, just tell me what you know." **  
She nodded and stood up, **"Then you better come with me then."**

-  
I stared at the beer in my hand and rubbed my forehead. Lonely night.  
I sat, trying to wrap my head around the information I had been given. This wasn't the first time Jack had done this kind of shit apparently.  
Apparently he had been in trouble before, but thankfully, for him, a dirty cop saved his tarnished ass. He was dangerous apparently.  
Why couldn't Sawyer get this kind of information? Why did he come up empty? There was too many questions going around in my head.  
I sniffed and rubbed my nose before I finished off my beer.  
I ached for her, I wanted her here. I closed my eyes and sighed. My Ana.  
She was going to her parents' for Christmas. She was leaving me to endure the holidays with my family. With a father that would rather degrade me than praise me.  
**"Goodnight."** Mrs Jones' voice broke through my inner rant.  
I turned to see her standing by the door. I nodded, **"Goodnight." **I replied quietly.  
**"Whatever is going on, Mr Grey, I'm sure it'll be okay."** She told me. She then left to her bedroom.  
I hoped to fucking God she was right.

**Kate**

Ah, the bestfriend had returned. She closed the front door and made her way into the kitchen. I heard the faucet run and her sigh.  
I waited until she came into the lounge.  
**"Hey."** She mumbled, sitting on the chair.  
**"Are you back with Christian?"** I demanded. I wanted the truth, right here, right now.  
**"What? No. Why would you think that?"** Lie.  
I rolled my eyes and put the tv on mute, **"The fact that you haven't been home in the past two days. You haven't called to let me know you were okay, seriously Ana, I've been worried about you!"  
**She sighed and rubbed her forehead, **"I know, I'm sorry. There's just a lot going on right now."  
**I frowned, **"I'm your best friend, Ana. You know you can tell me anything."** We'd been drifting too far apart lately and I hated it, **"Just please be honest about this...are you and Christian back together?"  
**She stood up, **"I already told you no. Stop fucking acting like you give a shit. I know you don't like Christian, you can stop pretending."**  
There was so much hatred in her voice.  
**"I never said I didn't like him, Ana."** At least not to her face.  
**"You didn't have to. That night of the accident, I could tell you didn't want to be at that hospital. You hated it, you hated having to sit there and act like you cared."** She narrowed her eyes at me,** "Just stay out of my business, okay?"** She went to her room and slammed the door shut causing me to jump. What the fuck had gotten into her?

**Ana**

_Poor little girl, your eyes rimmed red, you don't know the world. You don't know youself._

Did it really matter to Kate if I was back with Christian or not? Did it make a big difference in her perfect fucking life?  
I stared up at the ceiling and growled at myself. He had promised he'd sort it. But it only seemed to be getting worse.  
I jumped as my cell started ringing. Not tonight. Not again.  
**"What is it?"** I whispered.  
**"You broke the rules again cupcake." **He slurred. He was drunk. **"You really fucked up this time, didn't you precious?"** He chuckled. He was enjoying this too much.  
**"What do you want, Jack?"** I had no strength for this. Not after the fight with Kate, not after this past week.  
**"I want you to do as your fucking told!" **He snapped, **"You've** **broke the rules twice now and you know what happened the first time."**  
I choked back a sob, my free hand covered my mouth. He made my skin crawl, my insides twist. The bruises were nowhere near gone, the pain between my legs was barely a dull ache.  
**"You'll learn to enjoy it." **He promised before he disconnected the call.


	21. Chapter 21

**Make sure you keep reviewing guys! I take your comments into consideration, so please don't forget.  
Read. Review. :)**

* * *

_"And the saddest fear comes creeping in  
That you never loved me  
Or her or anyone or anything.  
I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
So shame on me now  
Flew me to places I've never been  
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground."_ **- "I Knew You Were Trouble" : Taylor Swift.**

**Ana**

I sat my cell onto my pillow and wiped my eyes. I couldn't keep going through this. I had to tell Christian.  
I curled up under the duvet and closed my eyes. I had to apologise to Kate too. She didn't deserve this.

-  
**"Good morning." **Her voice was ice cold and careful.  
I slid onto the seat across from her and sighed, **"I'm sorry for what I said yesterday." **I began, **"You didn't deserve it. I know I've been a shit friend lately." **I looked down and traced the marble on the worktop.  
She sat her coffee down and shook her head, **"I don't know what's going on with you Ana, but this isn't you."**  
She was right. But how could I tell my best friend just exactly what was going on? How could I tell her that Elena's ex is after Christian and I'm his fucking little helper and when I break his made up rules I get punished in a sick twisted way?  
I shifted uncomfortably and nodded, **"I know. I'm sorry. I've just a lot going on right now."** I whispered.  
Kate stood and came over to me, her skinny arms wrapped around me, **"I'm sorry too." **She whispered. She kissed the top of my head and sighed, **"You've lost weight." **She commented. I know.

Work dragged on.  
It was 3pm. I was due to finish at five. It was Friday.  
Before I left for work, Kate told me we were going out. God knows where to, but we were to go out.  
I had to make myself look 'hot' as she put it. It would be good to get out, to enjoy myself with my friend.  
She said she was going to ask Mia, Christian's sister. I didn't mind.

I stared down at the plate of food infront of me.  
**"I thought we'd eat before we got ready."** Kate mumbled, through a mouthful of food.  
I nodded and tried my best to smile. I had to eat, just to show there was nothing to worry about. I lifted my fork and pierced pasta.  
It made my stomach turn. I hadn't had a proper meal in days. I chewed slowly, trying so hard not to gag.  
Kate studied me, her eyes worried. I smiled, **"It's good." **I told her.  
She grinned, **"One of my mom's recipes."**

After I ate all that I could manage, I went to shower.  
The hot water running down my skin relaxed me. I studied the purpilish bruises on the tops of my thighs and gritted my teeth to stop from screaming out in anger and pain. My hips still hurt from when he grabbed me too tightly, his finger marks still lingered.  
Slowly, I washed my hair and my body.  
I looked down at myself and gulped. I had lost weight. Too much weight. My hips stuck out.  
I turned the shower off and wrapped a fluffy towel around my delicate frame before retreating to my bedroom.  
On my way, Kate stopped me, **"None of this jeans and a tee combo tonight, okay?"** She smiled and went into the bathroom.  
**"Okay."** I whispered to the closed door. I leaned against my bedroom door and closed my eyes. I still felt dirty after the shower.  
I could still feel him, I wanted to claw at my skin, just to be free of him. But I knew, I knew I never would be.  
I sat by the dresser and began to dry my hair. I decided to straighten it.

An hour or so later, I was ready. I decided to please Kate and I wore a pair of black metallic hotpants she had bought me a few months back. I covered the bruises on my thighs with some concealer. They were barely visible now. The halter top showed more cleavage than I wanted, but to hell with it. I may as well start acting like the slut I had been called. I didn't wear heels. I wore my black converse. I still looked good enough.  
My makeup was dark, and truth be told, I didn't look like myself at all.

We decided to go to The Crocodile. Mia loved that night club apparently.  
I leaned against the bar and sipped my vodka through a straw while Kate and Mia danced to some Taylor Swift song.  
It was too loud in here. The song changed and Kesha blasted through the speakers. I ordered another vodka and downed it. It burned my throat, it made my eyes water. I straightened up and looked around the club, I made my way to the bathroom and stopped. Two girls leaned over the counter by the sink and sniffed in unison. White powder. I licked my lips and looked away from them.  
**"Hey." **One of them slurred.  
My eyes returned to them. One was a redhead, the other was brunette. I nodded and smiled slightly.  
**"You want in on this?"** The brunette asked, her eyebrow raised.  
I began to shake my head.  
**"Aw come on. You've caught us anyway, you may as well have some fun."** She laughed.  
What harm could it even do anyway? I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. **"I...I've never done it before." **I confessed.  
The redhead shrugged, **"So? It's easy anyway." **She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to her. She began to cut three lines, one for each of us.  
**"Just watch us." **She smiled and leaned down. I felt like a teenager. I was too innocent for this shit. I watched anyway. It looked easy.  
And it was. It burned, in a good way. I straightened up and rubbed my nose.  
The brunette grinned at me through the mirror, **"I'm Claire, by the way." **She draped her arm over my shoulders.  
**"I'm Cindy."** The redhead mumbled as she reapplied her red lipstick.  
I smiled at my two new friends, **"Ana." **I whispered.

The music was loud and I was having too much fun. The three of us danced, drank, and retreated to the bathroom every now and then. I felt more confident with every line I took. I felt happier. I felt free. And with each line, Jack and Christian disappeared further and further away.  
I spotted Kate and Mia, sitting at the bar with their wine. Wine? Fuck no.  
I stumbled over to them and leaned against the bar. Kate smiled at me and then frowned, **"Ana, are you** okay?"  
The bartender nodded at me, **"What can I get you?" **He asked, his voice was like honey.  
**"A quick fuck." **I smirked.  
**"Ana!"** Kate exclaimed. Mia laughed and shook her head.  
**"Relax." **I slurred, **"It's only a fucking shot." **I laughed. I took the shot glass as it was placed infront of me and downed it. I kissed Kate's forehead before I returned to Cindy and Claire. They embraced me and jumped up and down on the dancefloor.

We returned to the bathroom. Another line.  
I ran a hand through my tangled hair and cracked my knuckles. I left the bathroom.  
I frowned, the lights were too bright. The music was too loud and pounding.  
People were pushing every which way to get to the bar, to get to the dancefloor. I was too warm, I could hear my heartbeat in my ears over the music.  
I felt sick.  
I wanted Kate. Where was she? I stumbled around, getting frustrated with the people that wouldn't move out of my way. I pushed my way through the crowd and tried to calm my breathing. I was breathing too hard.  
A hand grabbed my elbow before I fell over. I looked up and he frowned at me, **"Christ Ana. What the fuck are you on?"** He hissed.  
I heaved. He pulled me towards the door just in time. I leaned over the wall and threw up.  
**"Where's Kate?"**He demanded, pulling me to my feet. I shrugged and leaned into his chest, my eyes closed.

-  
The sun hurt my eyes. I rolled over and buried my head into my pillow. My head was pounding, my mouth was dry, my bones ached.  
**"Oh good, you're awake."** Kate sat herself beside me and sighed, **"You had a little too much fun last night,** Ana."  
I groaned in response. I could barely remember anything that had happened. I sniffed a few times before I sat up. I immediately regretted it. My hand went to my forehead and I whimpered.  
Kate sighed again, **"Christian brought you home..." **She shook her head and stood up, **"You were so fucking out of it. How much did you have to drink?"** She raised her voice and I winced. I couldn't be bothered with this. I shrugged and climbed out of bed, trying to ignore the feeling of unease.  
Another sniff.

I sat at the breakfast bar, my head on the table. A glass of water by my arm.  
Kate had gone out shopping and I was left here, trying to piece together last night's events.  
I remembered arriving. I remembered going to the bathroom, meeting those girls.  
Cocaine. The lines. The partying too hard. I groaned. What was fucking happening to me?

A knock at the door made me sigh. I stood up and slowly made my way to open it.  
My heart sped up and my breathing hitched in my throat.  
**"Hello cupcake."** He smirked.  
I tried to close the door, but he pushed it back open. He shook his head and sighed, **"That was a silly move, Ana."** He grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. My nails dug into his hand but he didn't so much as flinch. Tears rolled down my face, stupid fear ridden tears.  
**"When are you ever going to learn?"** He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me to the floor.  
I cried into the carpet and attempted crawl away, but he grabbed me by my hair, causing me to scream out in pain.  
**"Quiet now, cupcake. We don't want people to hear, do we?" **He chuckled as he dragged me by my hair to my bedroom.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the delay guys, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.  
I've been busy writing a new fic - s/8858070/1/Final-Hour - Make sure you check it out and review it. :)  
Happy New Year! **

* * *

_"When I see your smile_  
_The tears roll down my face_  
_I can't replace_  
_And now that I'm strong_  
_I have figured out how this world turns cold_  
_And it breaks through my soul_  
_And I know I'll find deep inside me_  
_I_ can_ be the one._  
_I will never let you fall_  
_I'll stand up with you forever _  
_I'll be there for you through it all_  
_Even if saving you sends me to heaven." _**- "Your Guardian Angel" : The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.**

**Christian**

I sat, staring out at the twinkling lights of the city. Three days until Christmas. Just three fucking days.  
I never usually got excited or really enjoyed the holiday season, it was too over rated.  
Last night, I was out with Taylor, just for a few drinks. I saw Ana. She was completely wrecked. What happened to her? I dragged my hand down my face and sighed. She passed out on me on the drive home. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in her. She was never one to drink too much. But I wasn't entirely convinced it was just alcohol she was taking last night.

It was one in the afternoon. I sat at my desk and flicked through the paperwork that was just piling up. I couldn't give a shit about profits and intakes and employees.  
Jack Hyde filled my head. I had to put a stop to him. Elena had been a great help, our relationship now was strictly business. And even then, I didn't see a lot of her. Taylor and Sawyer continued digging, finding any information they thought relevant.  
I stood up and cracked my knuckles, may as well check on Ana.

**Ana**

I stared up at his face. He looked so angry, pleased and smug all at once. It made me sick.  
**"You feel so good, cupcake." **He breathed. I closed my eyes, I couldn't fight, I had no strength.  
The sound of his zipper made my eyes open. He smirked and walked over to the window, puffing on a cigarette.  
He was finished. I pulled the covers around me and looked down at the floor. My eyes watered with tears I couldn't shed yet.  
He turned to face me, **"Now, do I need to remind you about the rules again?"** He asked. His voice wasn't kind. It was patronising and selfish.  
**"Fuck. You."** I spat. I don't where the strength in my voice came from. His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched.  
He flicked his cigarette out of the window before he came over to me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I screamed out in pain. His grip was iron.  
**"You never learn do you?"** He hissed into my ear.  
I didn't care. He couldn't keep doing this to me, **"Elena isn't even with Christian anymore." **I whimpered, **"There's no reason for you to keep doing this."**I willed the tears away, but it was no use, they rolled down my pink cheeks slowly.  
He chuckled, releasing me, **"I have many reasons."** He seethed.  
He turned away from me again and went back to the window. I slowly pulled on my clothes, wincing in pain as my jeans slid by the fresh bruises.  
We both looked up when someone knocked on the front door. Jack grabbed me, clamping his hand over my mouth.  
I whimpered again and he shushed me.  
He dragged me to behind my bedroom door and held me against his body as we listened. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe calmly.  
**"Ana?"** The door creaked open and Christian's voice sent me under.  
The tears ran down my cheeks again and Jack cursed under his breath.  
**"Shut up."** He mouthed against my ear. His grip loosened slightly on my face, my teeth sunk into his index finger, causing him to yelp in pain and let me go completely.  
I ran to the door, **"Christian!"** I sobbed, running over to him. He spun around, surprised. He caught me and held me at arms length.  
**"Ana, what the fucks wrong?"** His eyes were panicked and wide and I could barely breathe. He released me and began walking toward the bedroom. I grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back, **"Christian.." **I whispered.  
He shook his head, **"Wait here."** He mumbled as he slowly approached the bedroom. I winced and sent a silent prayer. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. Then he disappeared from sight. I disobeyed him. I followed him.  
I stood by the door and peered inside, Christian was looking around. **"There's nothing here, Ana."** He turned to me and frowned.  
What the fuck?!  
I stormed in and shook my head, **"No! No he was right there."** I pointed to the spot behind the door and gripped my hair. The fucker had managed to leave. I started crying again, **"He was right there."  
"Who was?" **He held me against his chest and smoothed my hair back.  
**"Jack."** I whispered.  
I felt him stiffen.

I made him stay with me that night, just incase he came back. He would come back.  
**"I'm gonna get him, Ana." **Christian whispered. He held me close to him and gently traced the bruises on my thighs, **"I'm so sorry I let this happen to you." **He cried quietly.  
I remained silent. There was nothing I could say to him to make his pain lessen. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest. I trusted him. I trusted that he would get Jack. But at what cost?


	23. Chapter 23

I found it hard to sleep most nights.  
And when I did my dreams were filled with his face.  
There was no escaping him. He was everywhere. In my every thought, in my every move, his marks were branded on my body.  
Christian had been busy tracking him with help from Taylor and Sawyer. He kept promising and promising.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and sighed to myself. I didn't look like me anymore. I had aged twenty years in a week. There were bags under my eyes and my skin was shallow. I was a skeleton. I refused to eat and when I did, it just came right back up.  
Christian was worried. I could see it in his eyes. I was staying with him until Jack got dealt with. I felt a little safer.  
Nowhere was entirely safe though. He'd find me. He always did. He always knew where I was or if I'd broke the rules. It was creepy. So fucking creepy.  
I splashed my face with cold water and slowly dried. I then brushed my teeth and emerged from the bathroom.  
I padded through into the lounge and flopped down on the couch.  
"The stupid prick left his cell on." Christian chuckled, "We've tracked him to Cleveland." He muttered.  
Cleveland. How did he get there so fast?  
I flicked through the channels and chewed my lip. I couldn't smile and pretend I was okay. I just couldn't.

A few minutes later I returned to the bathroom and lifted the white stick.  
I took a deep breath and glanced down.  
I had been afraid of that result.

"Are you hungry?" Christian asked as he made himself a coffee.  
My voice was quiet and cold, "No."  
He sighed deeply, "Ana, for fuck sake, I get it. I do. I'm here for you, really I am, but you have to fucking eat!" He was angry.  
I looked down, "You don't have to shout at me, Christian. I'm not a child."  
"Well stop acting like one." He muttered as he marched off to his study.  
I closed my eyes and nodded to myself. He was right. I had to stop moping and feeling sorry for myself. It's exactly what Jack wanted. He'd win.  
But how was I supposed to put on a brave face and tell Christian I'm carrying Jack Hyde's child?

Sitting alone in the lounge troubled me. I knew Christian was home and I knew Mrs Jones was home, but I felt alone.

I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I made a face at everything but I knew I had to attempt to fill my stomach.

I grabbed a few eggs and cheese and decided to make an omelette.

I was gagging at the smell of the cooking, but I forced myself to endure it.

One mouthful and I was ready to give up. I knew I had to eat at least half it. I had to prove to myself that I was better than him.

I continued eating, slowly. It tasted like cardboard.

I got myself a glass of water and downed it. It took the horrid taste away.

I heard footsteps coming from the hall. I left the kitchen and peered around the corner. Christian was on the phone, "Yeah. I fucking know that Taylor...how long? Well, where is he?"

My stomach twisted painfully. Had they lost him?

"Okay. I'll be there in five." He sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket and turned. He smiled when he saw me, "I have to go to the office."

The panic set in.

I shook my head and went to him, "No." I clung onto his shirt and shook my head, "Please don't leave me here." I begged.

He sighed, "Mrs Jones is here, Ana." He kissed my forehead and pried my fingers from him, "I love you."

And then he was gone.

I paced the bedroom.

Why did he have to go? What was so important? Did they finally get Jack? Was Jack on the move again? I went to the window and peered out. It was raining, heavily. What a lovely night. I heard the front door close. Christian! I rushed out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"Christian?" I called.

I stopped dead.

"Hello, Ana." Jack smiled wickedly. My hand instinctively went to my stomach.


	24. Chapter 24

_"In the end as you fade into the night,  
Who will tell the story of your life?  
And who will remember your last goodbye?  
Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid  
Not afraid to die." _**: "In The End" - Black Veil Brides.**

There comes a time when everyone must die. Judgement Day comes. Heaven or Hell? Where are you destined to go?  
Will you wander or will you be at rest? It all comes down to Karma. It's a fucking bitch.

My hand instinctively went to my stomach and I took a deep breath in.  
**"I thought I'd be smart, you see...I sold my phone to a friend, if you will. Christian is tracking a Paul Keaton." **He chuckled and began walking around, **"Nice place he has...had." **He shrugged and turned to me, **"Don't look so scared cupcake."**  
I wasn't scared, not for me anyway.  
I watched him carefully, watching him glance out of the windows, finger the curtains, smell the flowers. It made me sick. He made me sick.  
**"How's Elena?"**I asked quietly. He turned, his eyes narrowed.  
**"She's fine." **His voice was hoarse, hurt. He deserved to be hurt.  
**"She took you back?" **I raised a brow and watched him shift uncomfortably.  
**"She didn't have to think twice about it." **He was lying. It was so easy to spot a liar.  
**"Really? Last I heard, she didn't want you back. She was doing fine without you. She was disgusted by you, by what you had done to me." **I shook my head, **"I guess her standards are low." **  
He marched toward me and grabbed me by the throat, **"Don't you dare speak ill of her!" **He spat.  
**"Or what? You'll kill me?" **I could play him at his own game. I wasn't scared anymore.  
**"Ana?"** Mrs Jones emerged from her room. Her hand went to her mouth when she saw Jack standing there, **"Oh my." **  
Jack turned and narrowed his eyes, **"Sit the fuck down, old lady." **

I sat on the couch and sighed as I watched him pace back and forth.  
**"Nervous?" **I smirked.  
**"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" **He growled.  
I could see through him. He hadn't thought this through. He knew no matter what he would do to me, he'd get caught. People like him always got caught.  
**"You're not very good at planning ahead, are you?"** I teased. Mrs Jones sat, head bowed, muttering quiet prayers.  
His hand disappeared into his jacket. It emerged.  
**"I thought I told you to shut up?"** He seethed, he point the gun at me and smirked nervously, **"I can very easily pull this trigger." **He muttered.  
Mrs Jones' head snapped up and she breathed deeply, **"You are a silly boy." **She whispered.  
He pointed the gun at her and smiled with satisfaction as she closed her mouth and bowed her head again.  
He sat across from us, by the fire, and played with his gun, **"You had it so easy, Ana." **He whispered, **"You didn't have to compete..."**  
I closed my eyes and sighed, he was so fucking wrong, **"I did." **  
**"I think she's in love with him." **His voice was so sad, I almost felt sorry for him.  
**"I think she is too. But that's not Christian's fault."** I opened my eyes and tried to level with him, **"Elena wanted him to herself. She was the one who demanded to see him."  
**His eyes met mine and he frowned, **"Really?"**  
I nodded.  
He shook his head, **"No...I don't believe it. He did this!"** He stood up and began pacing again, **"He caused all this."**

Mrs Jones had fell asleep next to me, clutching a cushion. I remained sitting, watching Jack pace.  
**"What's taking him so fucking long?!" **He groaned and gripped his hair. I was beginning to get hungry. I stood up. Jack's eyes widened, **"Where the fuck are you going?" **He demanded.  
I held my hands up, **"The kitchen. I need a glass of water or something."**I walked quickly, turned the tap on and collected a glass from the cupboard. I could feel his eyes on my back. It was unnerving.  
I looked behind me, and he was no longer there. He must have returned to the lounge because I could hear him pacing again.  
I sighed and turned the tap off and took a long, overdue gulp of water.  
The front door opened then. I could hear it. Christian. I dropped the glass to the floor and rushed back to the lounge.  
**"CHRISTIAN!"**  
Two gunshots.

My world turned black.


	25. Chapter 25

_Beep. _

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

I concentrated on that sound for days. It was constant, just like the ache in my chest. My eyes never opened, I didn't have the energy.  
People came and went. People whispered things into my ear, kissed my forehead, assured me I'll be fine. It didn't feel like it.  
I remembered it all. When he walked through that door everything changed.  
I had just gotten myself water when I heard the door. I knew it would be Christian, I ran as fast as I can but, it all happened so fast, despite how cliche it sounds. Two shots. A scream. And a few days later, I was stuck here. In the hospital, I presumed.  
I heard his low profanity and Taylor's sharp intake of breath. "The baby!" The baby? "We need to get her to a hospital, now! For fuck sake Saywer, do your job!" I felt his lips at my ear, urging me to 'hold on', I was okay. "Get rid of that too, I don't want him here when they come." His voice was angry, panicked. I wanted to open my eyes and just comfort him, but I couldn't. The overwhelming pain in my chest made that entirely impossible. "Hold on, baby, please." His quiet sobs made my heart ache more than it should.

"She's stable, right now the best we can do is just hope for the best." I heard that voice everyday, the same sentence, everyday.  
"Why isn't she waking up?" His angelic voice made my head ache.  
"She's still in recovery, Mr Grey. It could take some time." I heard the door close and Christian's soft sigh.  
I felt his delicate kiss grace my hand, my forehead, my cheek. He'd been here everyday.

"How is she? Any change?" Mia's once excited and carefree voice was now troublesome and tainted with anxiety.  
A sigh, "No. Doctor said she's recovery or some shit. They can't tell me when she'll wake up."  
"Come on, Ana. We need you to wake up." I was beginning to get bored of hearing that. I fucking knew. But did they know how hard it was? How painful it was? The darkness smiled at me and once again it lulled me to sleep.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

"Oh my baby, my poor baby. Anatasia, its your mom. Can you hear me...?"  
Darkness. My friend.

He was here again, kissing my hand. I wanted to smile, I wanted to be present, in the now. I didn't know what day it was, how long had I been comatosed?  
I heard the soft clicking of someone's heels as they approached. The door closed. A chair was pushed away, "What are you doing here?" I heard muffled footsteps.  
"I came to see how she was, Christian."  
"Well there's no change, I told you that on the phone. You didn't have to come all the way down here." He was angry.  
"Christian, you seem to forget I _helped_ you." She hissed quietly.  
Why the fuck was she here? She helped with what? I squeezed my eyes, and tried to wriggle my fingers. My hand tingled. A bittersweet feeling.  
"Hardly, if I wasn't with you, this wouldn't have fucking happened."  
He was with her? My eyes fluttered open, the brightness stinging them abruptly. They were stood at the far end of the room, Christian hunched over, he looked tired and defeated. I felt disgust.  
"Don't be like that." She touched his arm and he shook her off.  
"Leave, Elena. This is all your fault." His words seemed to have stung, because she turned away abruptly and stormed out, her heels clicking quickly as she retreated.  
Christian turned back to me, his eyes widened in quiet surprise when he noticed I had woken up, "Ana, baby!" He grinned and kissed my forehead, his eyes began watering, "You're awake. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Are you in any pain? Talk to me." His eyes held mine, with pure, naked love. I wanted scream at him.  
"What was that about?" I croaked.  
"What, baby?"  
"You and Mrs Robinson."  
He released my hand and groaned.


	26. Chapter 26

"What a shame, what a shame we all remain such fragile broken things, a beauty half betrayed, butterflies with punctured wings." - Part II : Paramore

He released my hand and groaned.  
I held his eyes, not letting this go.  
"That's not important, Ana." He whispered, "You've just woken up, you're confused..disorientated. You need to relax."  
I narrowed my eyes, "I've been asleep for God knows how many days, Christian." I pointed out sourly. This seemed to hit a nerve. He winced and set his eyes on the wall. Was he going to continue dodging my question?  
"I was with her the night you got shot, when Jack found you and Mrs Jones." He shook his head, but his eyes never once wavered from the wall, "I can't help but feel if I was there sooner, if I didn't go to her, if I just..." He trailed off, tears springing to his eyes. Reluctantly, I reached for his hand.  
"You can't blame yourself for this." I whispered. I didn't. I blamed myself. If I didn't get involved with Jack, if I didn't lead him on the way I did, none of this would have happened.  
He smiled in guilt and clasped my hand tighter, "It is my fault though."  
I looked away from him and studied the picture on the wall. It was fruit. Bananas, apples, pears. My stomach rumbled and Christian chuckled, "I see you still have an appetite." His remark made me smirk, even if I was still curious and anxious about his encounter with her.  
"Your mom and Ray stopped by." He told me.  
I nodded, "Are they okay?"  
He sighed, "You should be worrying about yourself right now, Ana."  
I was never one to 'take it easy' so why should I start now?

"Did you get rid of the body?" I heard Christian's voice coming from the corridor.  
"Yeah. We dumped him just outside of Seattle. Should be a few days before he's found." Taylor responded.  
"Okay, thanks."  
I heard a low mumbled and then the door opened. Christian walked over and smiled, "The doctor said you should be okay to come home tomorrow. You just have to take it easy until you're body has fully recovered." He looked down and gave a sad smile.  
"Can't wait." I muttered. What state would the apartment be in?  
A gentle knock on the door turned both of our heads.  
Mia came in, flowers in hand, "Hey." Her warm voice made me smile, "I brought you some flowers, you know, just to brighten this place up a bit." She sat them down by the bed and smiled again, "How are you feeling?"  
I was just about to answer when Christian butted in, "She's still recovery, the doctors said she could come home soon though." He informed Mia with a quiet and clipped tone. Mia nodded and continued smiling, either she ignored his arrogance or she simply didn't notice.  
Her attention turned back to me, "We were worried for a while there." She placed her hand over my free one and squeezed gently, "My mom and dad are asking for you. They were going to come visit today but they both got called to work."  
"Kate." I choked out. Our last encounter wasn't one to remember.  
Mia's face fell, "She's in Spain with Elliot." She whispered.  
Spain? Didn't she know what happened?  
"We called her when it happened but she couldn't get a flight." Christian explained.  
I nodded weakly. My best friend wasn't even in the same country, it seemed like she didn't even care.  
"I just want to be left alone, please." I mumbled.  
Mia smiled sadly and gave my hand another gentle squeeze before she left. I turned to Christian, "That means you too." I muttered coldly.  
He frowned, but stood with no argument. He kissed my forehead, "I love you." He turned to leave.  
"Christian?"  
He turned back to me, expectant.  
"I lost the baby, didn't I?"  
A frown crossed his angelic features, "What baby?"


	27. Chapter 27

."If I can't live without you,  
But I can't breathe when I'm with you,  
Then what am I really doing here?" "Dying" : Stone Sour.

We stared at each other for what felt like a century.  
"Ana, what baby?" He repeated.  
I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. I never told him. I was going to, I just didn't have the opportunity. I was carrying Jack Hyde's child. Was. Past tense. I could never terminate a pregnancy, but this was much worse than an abortion. It was my child. Despite it having evil blood. It never even got to take its first breath.  
"I...I was pregnant." I whispered. A bit self explanatory. I opened my eyes and I was met with Christian and his pained face.  
"Why didn't tell me?" He choked  
I looked away, stared at the window, "I wanted to but...it wasn't yours." I had to be blunt about this. There was no way I could sugar coat it, not now, not after everything that had happened.  
"What do you mean?" He approached the bed and stared down at me, "Was it..." He closed his eyes, "Was it Jack's?" He opened his eyes and I could see more pain hidden in them.  
I nodded slowly, "I'm sorry." It was all I could say. Though why I was apologising I didn't know. It wasn't my fault. I didn't ask to be raped, abused, disgusted by myself.  
Christian bowed his head and drew in a deep breath before he turned and swiftly left the room.  
Without a word. Gone.

I sat by the fire, warming my hands, when he came in, stumbling around and laughing at himself.  
"Christian?" I stood, wincing in pain.  
He turned his icy stare on me and smirked, "Oh. You. My dirty, slutty girlfriend." He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward him. He was too strong to fight so I allowed it.  
"You're drunk." I mumbled, my eyes cast down to the floor.  
"So?" He laughed again, released me and stumbled to the bedroom, hitting every wall as he went.  
I never thought my first night back in the apartment would consist of me helping my boyfriend sober up. Especially since I had to relax.  
He had came to pick me up from the hospital. He never said a word, except from 'hi'. He didn't even look at me. Didn't ask me how I was doing. As soon as I put my seatbelt on, he drove off. Did he resent me for what happened? He couldn't. He knew what Jack did to me.  
When we got home, he sat his keys down on the table by the door, loosened his tie and went to the kitchen. Mrs Jones rushed to me, escorting me to the lounge, "Sit down dear," She said, "I'll bring you some water." I was grateful for her kindness but I wanted my boyfriend to pay attention. An hour later, he stormed into the lounge declaring he was going for a drink with Sawyer and Taylor. He didn't give me a chance to reply before the door closed and he was gone. I had spent the night watching tv, flicking through magazines, dozing and then I settled by the fire. What a fun fucking night.

I decided to sleep in one of the guest rooms. That way I wouldn't disturb him with my shifting and he wouldn't disturb me by nudging me. I sunk into the soft bedding and sighed contentedly. It was immensely comfortable. I wasn't used to this. I had spent the past week in a bed that practically broke my spine. It was a relief to finally be in a comfortable bed, in my home. Reaching over, I switched the light off and closed my heavy eyes, preparing for a welcoming nights sleep.

In the morning, I slowly made my way to the bathroom. I gently removed the bandage that covered most of my stomach and bit my lip. It wasn't the most grotesque thing in the world, but it was still disgusting to even look at. I threw away the old bandage and began to redress my wound. I figured I may as well do it myself since no one really wanted to talk to me, let alone help me. Once I was finished, I went to the kitchen. Mrs Jones smiled when she saw me and handed me a cup of steaming coffee. Christian sat, head in his hands, groaning into his cereal.  
"Hungover?" I presumed quietly.  
He didn't look up but he nodded, "Where did you sleep last night?" His voice was rough, tired and cold.  
"In one of the guest rooms. I didn't want to disturb you." I replied quickly.  
He didn't respond.  
"Christian, will you please just talk to me about this?"  
He looked up, glaring at me, "What's to say? You were carrying his child and you didn't think to inform me." He shook his head and looked away, "What do you want me to say, Ana? Do you want me to forget about it and say it wasn't your fault?"  
That stung. "But it wasn't my fault." I whispered weakly.  
"You could have fought back." He muttered.  
"I tried."  
"Yeah, right." He scoffed. "I have to go to work, I'm sure you can look after yourself for a few hours." He stood, grabbed his keys and left, leaving me with a heavy heart and tears to stop.


	28. Chapter 28

**CHRISTIAN**

I waited by her side, every tedious minute just waiting for her to open her eyes. It felt like a lifetime. Waiting. All we were doing was waiting.  
I clasped my hands behind my head and leaned back in my chair. I was exhausted, but I couldn't leave her side. Her mom stopped by a few times, making sure she hadn't missed anything. I felt horrible. This was my fault. All of it. Mine and Elena's.  
I had went to her house that night, to see if she had any dirt on Jack. Anything that could bring him down, after all she had said she would gladly help. I took a risk.  
We sat for hours, going through Jack's bank statements, phone records, taxes...I guess Elena had her ways.  
I didn't question them, I was grateful she was even doing this, even after everything that had happened. I had went back on my word. I had broke promises. But if it was to keep Ana safe, then wasn't it worth it?  
We were sitting sharing a bottle of wine when it happened. She grazed my leg with her foot and smirked. I immediately felt uncomfortable. What the fuck was she doing?  
She moved closer and stroked my cheek softly.  
"Elena.." I warned.  
She ignored me and continued.  
I grabbed her hand and pushed her away, "Elena stop. What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed.  
She flinched, "I thought-"  
"You thought nothing! I'm here to keep Ana safe and you're...you're doing this." I motioned towards her with my shaky hand and sighed, "I'm leaving now." I told her sternly. I grabbed my jacket from the back of the couch and slammed the front door behind me. How could I have been to blindingly stupid?

Taylor met me outside the apartment building, his phone in his hand.  
His eyes were hard, "Jack is in the apartment with Ana and Mrs Jones."  
My throat closed up, "What? How? We tracked him and-"  
"He left his phone in a trashcan.." Taylor sighed and dragged his hand through his hair, "Sawyer is up there now, outside the door."  
I glared at him, Ana was in danger and what the fuck were they doing? "There's no fucking time for that, Taylor! How long has been there?" I demanded, storming by him. I pressed the button on the elevator and growled internally as it took its time.  
"Over thirty minutes." Came his reply.  
I pressed the button again and again, praying for it to move.  
Finally the doors opened and Taylor and I ascended to the top floor.  
"Sir, you have to be careful, don't just barge in. We can sort this." He tried to reason with me but it was no use. This bastards fate was way over due.  
"Taylor, give me your gun." I spat.  
I stopped outside the door and turned to glare at him. Sawyer sighed, his hand twitched by his side, "Sir.." He whispered in warning. I ignored him and continued glaring at Taylor. He gave a defeated sigh before handing me his handgun.  
I took a deep breath and swung open the door.  
I heard her scream my name and before I had time to react he turned and pointed the gun at her. My heart rate quickened, the adrenaline pumped through every vein, my breathing stopped all in that one minute when he shot her point blank.  
"You bastard." I growled. He turned to me, an evil smirk gracing his lips as he now pointed his gun at me. No fucking way.  
I pulled the trigger, watching with hushed satisfaction as he fell backwards into the glass coffee table.  
I hadn't given much thought to anything else before I was by Ana's side, urging her to hold on. Blood was seeping through her white cotton top and I couldn't stop warm tears.  
"The baby!" Mrs Jones exclaimed. I ignored her.  
This was my fault. I turned to Taylor and Sawyer, "We need to get her to a hospital, now. For fuck sake Saywer, do your job!" I spat through my tears.  
Sawyer turned away and held his phone to his ear. My attention turned to Taylor, "Get rid of that too. I don't want it here when they come." He nodded and bent down to inspect my work.  
I kissed Ana's forehead and whispered to her, hoping she could hear me. Was there any use? Would she be okay? I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. This was all my fault. "Hold on baby, please." I whispered.

I stared at the wall, waiting for more time to pass. The quiet and steady beep from her heart monitor assured me she was still here. It had been three days. Three fucking days and she hasn't woken up.  
"She's stable, right now the best we can do is hope for the best." Her doctor flicked through her charts and scribbled a few things down.  
"Why isn't she waking up?" I didn't understand.  
"She's still in recovery, Mr Grey. It could take some time." He smiled tentatively at me and quietly closed the door behind him.  
My lips grazed her hand softly as I sighed, "Ana, please. We're all worried about you. Please baby, open your eyes. You're safe now."  
She was safe. At least, that's what I believed.


End file.
